


god thats a lot of flowers

by kilioio



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Everyone Is Alive, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Oh My God, Tattooshop AU, aaaaa, flowershop au, heavily based off of gayradwhitedad's comic thing, i mean for now, pleaSE HELP ME WITH THIS, rating might change but idk lol, this is kinda... gay, this is my... first real fanfic help, tw suicide mentions and sad stuff?? but if ur in the DEH fandom thats a given
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 28,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10640259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilioio/pseuds/kilioio
Summary: Evan Hansen. A florist? More likely than you’d think. After falling (or at least how the story went) out of a tree while being Park Ranger, Evan decided it’d be best to go with another job, but one still pretty influenced by nature.





	1. That one dude who walked in

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: 8/3/17:  
> The 13RW poke in this is something me from what, 4 months ago wrote. I don't like 13RW anymore and I really only did like it because of how it was written, not the story itself, which I find distasteful. The show did a lot of things wrong and I now know this, however I have a little thing on editing chapters after they're released.

Evan Hansen. A florist? More likely than you’d think. After falling (or at least how the story went) out of a tree while being Park Ranger, Evan decided it’d be best to go with another job, but one still pretty influenced by nature. That was his special thing, and while flowers were much more different than trees, the boy discovered, there were a couple of small potted trees Evan could relate to inside of the shop.

‘The Flower Pot’ was a good-sized shop near the Willowbrook Mall, and the manager took pretty good care of the plants, as far as he could tell. It had generic office lights in the ceiling, which tried its best to illuminate the room and did a decent job, but plenty of sunlight shone through the large windows by the entrance. 

With tiled floors that had squished and crushed fallen leaves and petals scattered all over them, despite Janna saying she did indeed clean up earlier, and plants lined up from smallest-to-tallest in some places, though the best plants were always the ones displayed outside of the store, it wasn’t a bad store. It was pleasant, actually.

His favourite part about working there was how close the mall actually was, and while walking close to the highway always scared Evan a bit, it was about a 10 minute walk from the shop to the food court. Of course, he’d never really buy anything there for lunch, after all, why would he? The poor kid gets nervous enough helping out a customer in the shop, but at least he was asking if they needed help. Not like in the food court, where he told them what he wanted. That was even scarier. 

What if they didn’t like his food choice or thought he was too fat or skinny? What if they thought he was weird to order without any friends? What if he orders too much?

That’s too much for Evan.

Now, let’s start the story, shall we?

Evan Hansen, the now florist but still tree expert, leaned on the cold countertop, elbows exposed to said cold, waiting for someone to come in. No, wrong. He probably looks too much like he doesn’t want to be there. He does! Perhaps another stance. Back straight, good posture and hands folded on the counter. Also bad. Now he looks too keen to work at the shop, like it’s his dream job like he was made for this, that it’s his very passion and he quit college just to be there. 

The bell rang, indicating someone entered the empty shop, and it interrupted his thoughts. Shoot. Social interaction, the thing he was hoping to avoid on this day. Actually, the thing he was hoping to avoid for the rest of his life. Even at the cost of not getting money. But then the police would show up at his door if he didn’t pay taxes… Humans are social creatures and Evan hated it.

Ok, so ‘hate’ is a strong word. Evan… Disliked it a lot.

A lot.

Trying his hardest to make himself invisible, the stranger hardly noticed the employee and looked at the flowers, squinting as though he was trying to get all the details the flower had for him, like some news article writer trying to ‘squeeze the juice’ from whoever they’re reporting on to make it interesting.

The person was male- obviously, despite certain things, he definitely had broader shoulders and a much more masculine build… ‘wait but what if the person was trans and just was still transitioning oh my god I’m such a terrible transphobe I bet I mean I’m assuming their gender oh god’ was a thought that kept flashing in Evan’s mind before he looked up and decided he should probably ask them if they needed help.

“Do you need something?” He asked, trying to remain as emotionally stable as he could. 

The stranger, who he decided to call by male pronouns because it was the safest option he felt, wore his copper hair messily up, a piece in the front falling gracefully over his right eye. Or, his left eye. Three black earrings were placed on his visible ear, three signs of his ‘badassery’- the other signs were some tattoos poking out from the hoodie he was wearing, which was scrunched up so his forearms were visible, an odd tactic because if he was hot he could… take it off? He was also holding a sketchbook and pencil. An artist, huh. Probably here to study flowers?

Evan’s favourite part about him were his eyes- The blue-gray orbs that looked so tired and mad and honestly, relatable.

The other glared at him, a rude look on his face quickly making its way in its place. “What? No, mind your…” His voice trailed off, the scowl fading as he made eye contact with Evan’s blue optics. His eyes widened a bit as he stood up a bit straighter (Evan barely even noticed he was slouching, if he was honest) and his face flushed as he continued rather weakly, “own… Business…” 

What did he do. What the hell did Evan do. The kid was freaking out on the spot, still holding a smile, but his mind raced with questions- Does he think Evan is weird? A guy? Working at a flower store? Oh my god. He’s going to have to move to Chicago and then he might end up being murdered by some jazz actress or something, like in the musical or movie, and oh my god Evan is so weird and gross and-

“What… What kind of f-flowers are you looking for?” He had to continue. It was his job. If it wasn’t, the boy would’ve speed-walked out of the shop and then get hit by a car who didn’t notice he was there. 

Silence ensued before the other boy- Evan was now pretty sure- started leaving, saying rather awkwardly, “No I hate flowers also I have to leave right now”, but it came out more like “NOIHATEFLOWERSALSOIHAVETOLEAVERIGHTNOW” and his pale skin turned redder before he turned and left the kid alone in the abyss of flowers.

No one was here. No peppy girls, no nagging bosses and most importantly, no awkward strangers who leave saying they hate flowers. Was he happy to be alone? Earlier? Yeah, he would’ve been fine with it. Now? Now, he had so many questions. A lot. Too many. What did Evan do? Why did he leave? Was it even Evan? Should he tell his boss about his weird encounter? No, that’d be weird, right?

Evan Hansen, the new one, the florist one, seemed to be just as bad as the old one at human interaction.


	2. Gay-ass Thoughs amirite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor Murphy is a tattoo artist, and after all, what’s better than combining two of your favourite things together? Art and pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god im scared that im not writing enough i swear these chapters will get longer i just  
> these are chapters with barely any interaction and it's hard to write ok i'll get longer i promise
> 
> this,,, this was 3 pages on google docs for me i swear
> 
> Also, warning for like... Language in this one? Connor swears more than Evan so narrator swears on Connor's chapters more.

Connor Murphy is a tattoo artist, and after all, what’s better than combining two of your favourite things together? Art and pain. Though it’s debatable that art is pain, cause it sure seems like it. Zoe, his sister and coworker, pushed Connor to leave the mall for once during their lunch break and study flowers after an unfortunate design that included a red spider lily turning out kinda… Gross looking. 

He stumbled upon a small shop and shrugged- It was the closest one and he didn’t want to walk far, because even if he did study the stupid flowers but get back late, Zoe would surely destroy him. Stupid Zoe. Stupid red spider lilies. Stupid Jeremy who wanted the design in the first place. 

‘The Flower Pot’. Wow. Aside from the mounds of flowers squished together to make room for even more plants, there was like no one there. At least, no customers. How did this place even stay open? 

Still, Connor leaned down to look at one of the flowers, specifically how the green slowly turned to white in an extremely natural yet uneven gradient with the petals having a weird texture that was also not even, curling awkwardly yet blissfully outwards. Why was he even looking at this? Couldn’t he just open google on his phone or something? “I don’t need ‘inspiration’ I know how to draw a fucking flower,” The illustrator muttered to himself stubbornly, gritting his teeth a bit out of anger. “Fuck you, Zoe”

“Do you need something?” Those words which startled the artist, though not shown visibly, probably ruined his entire life. Probably the cutest boy he’s ever seen who Connor accidentally snapped at, despite him obviously working there, stood awkwardly, a smile spread over his face despite his eyes screaming out for help and that he did not want to talk to Connor.

God. He was so cute. Adorable. The only dude that the teen would most likely openly share his gay-ass thoughts about. Really, really gay-ass thoughts. His hair was a darker shade of brown than Connor’s, though most people’s hair was darker than his, kept short and very neat, like he spends 20 minutes in the morning just to style it so it doesn’t look like he spent 20 minutes, but it still looks nice. Freckles dotted his face and oh my god how Connor wanted to kiss everyone of them and even make constellations out of them.

He also looked like a complete dork. Expected, for working at a flower shop. His work apron was a nice shade of indigo, covering a lighter blue of… Was that sky blue or baby blue? Whatever, he didn’t care. This guy was cute as a button. A small pin placed on the darker cloth read out ‘EVAN HANSEN’. Evan. Huh.

After the strange interaction between the both of them (though it was mostly Connor’s fall for being too fucking gay and turning into an actual tomato), the teen ran out the store gripping his pen and pencil, going as fast as he could without looking too obvious or weird that he was running from something, which was hard because skinny jeans really don’t help with running at all and no one would ever go out to exercise in them.

“Zoe you ASS!” Were the first words he used when he burst into the tattoo studio from the back entrance, receiving a glare from Zoe for being loud and rude, but getting some snickers from Jaime and the newbie who joined like a week ago. “And fuck you too Jaime,” Connor hissed, narrowing his eyes at his latino coworker. 

“Yeah, what’d you want Connor? Break’s not over yet, you should still be out,” Giving her trademark sarcastic jazzhands, “studying flowers.” Zoe finished. Her brother gave her the finger and walked away to the counter, awaiting some new customers before closing hours. Maybe one would ask for something edgy that everyone but them knows that they’ll regret it in the future- It’s always fun to see where that goes.

Waiting takes forever. He could look out the window and see the disapproving moms who either glare at the shop and tell their young kids not to get tattoos ever or glare at the shop and then glare at their teen who did actually get a tattoo. It was funny at first, now it’s kinda boring.

Plan B: Look around at the all familiar store around him and notice every single stupid thing about it. The store looked pretty much like Hot topic but less crowded by twelve-year-olds and shirts with stolen art pieces taken from Devianart on them. It was dark with brick walls to give off a badass look. Or Edgy one, depends if you go on 4Chan or not. 

There’s one wall, behind the counter that’s just filled with their best designs, though they also have a binder for more designs and the customer could even ask for a design that no one else has gotten- It’s a stupid idea since then people (Jeremy) would get a stupid flower (red spider lily) that no one knows how to draw, but Lauren, the manager of the store, which is named Touch Of Ink Tattoos, thought that it’d at least make things interesting for the artists.

There’s the counter and a waiting area, for the busy days, and the marble counter is less like a counter in the back of the store and more of a divider with some cashiers on it and a book. After the counter, there’s the seats for people getting their tattoos, which currently only 2 people were interested in getting arm tattoos for now. Then there’s the back, where most of the staff hang out, even when they’re not working, drawing and sharing sketches with each other. It’s not bad. Actually, it’s pretty nice.

Not like Connor would ever say that outloud.

Ew.

No one entered the store. Dammit. He’s so fucking bored. 

Grabbing the pen closest to him that stuck out of the pencil holder next to the cashier, he started scribbling on his wrist until letting out an ‘ugh’ and tossing the pen to the trash. Dried out. Grabbing another and doing the same, except this time it did have ink, Connor got to work, doodling over his hand in a henna-like style. Pft. He should become a henna style so that his dad doesn’t think he’s that emo.

Something bothered Connor a lot though, while doing this. No matter how many intricate designs he drew, he kept drawing small flowers. Some looking like generic flowers drawn by kids, others looking… pretty decent if Connor was being honest. 

He could not get that Evan out of his head, huh. 

Well Evan better fuck off, this is gonna become a problem eventually. He could tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was not OOC,,,,, connor is my son I cannot let him down


	3. Where'd you even get that kind of sticky-note from?

Zoe insisted that she was brought along on the trip to this flower store that Connor hated so much. Or perhaps he didn’t hate it- His eyes flickered in excitement when she started talking about going there again, but it faded away pretty quickly. She tried to interrogate Connor, pecking at him curiously with questions and such. 

The walk was silent. Not comfortable silence, but not quite awkward. She didn’t know what to take from it. It just was a walk. The sister tried to ask him certain things, but Connor would either respond with a boring, unsatisfying answer or shoot it down immediately. 

Wearing her dirty blonde hair down and a flowery, loose outfit, Zoe always looked weird in the tattoo studio. Her parents wouldn’t let her get any tattoos, much less give them to others, so she was stuck with just helping customers out. Lucky Connor, getting to inflict pain on others without being punished. 

“Is this it?” Her voice broke the silence just as they were about to pass the flower shop, which proved they both were not paying attention at all to their surroundings. Her brother nodded, then started to walk towards the door before remembering his previous encounter with Evan. He paused, allowing Zoe to walk in first, who gave him a strange look before plastering on a smile and breathing in the beautifully scented air of different smells combined. 

Connor followed her, trying to look as cool as he could like he was dragged here by his sister, when he noticed two employees- Not just one. 

The different one was a girl, with her black, dreaded hair pulled back into a low ponytail. She was sitting in front of the counter, talking to Evan who looked relieved that he didn’t have to actually talk, and it was mostly just the girl saying something about bees and the different ways people are trying to help them. Also about something with Cheerios? Giving out free seeds? Well, her apron was yellow, a light, pastel yellow, and her name tag read…

Well, it was hard to read, but after staring a while, (which looking back was just Connor staring at her boob) it read something like “ALANA BECK”.

Alana better back off his man. His man meaning Evan, of course. Who… Didn’t know he was his man yet.

That’s a work-in-progress.

“Hi, how may I help you?” Alana started, aiming the question towards Zoe. Right. Connor was practically invisible. 

Maybe not, though. His eyes wandered around the store, slowly locking with Evan’s. He probably should just go and die now. No. This is for his dignity. If he had any left. He must share eye contact. 

Evan was freaking out. Badly. It was him. The dude who hated flowers and then ran off. Was he here to laugh at him? Who was this girl? She looked like him, was he her brother? Why did he bring his sister? Does she hate him too?

“Yo.” 

Connor didn’t know how red he was until Zoe laughed at him when they left the store. 

Yo? Who the hell says ‘yo’ anymore? Connor is the worst. That’s fact. 

“Is that- He.. why…” Zoe’s voice trailed off into chuckles as she looked back at the tattoo artist. “You… Didn’t want to come back?”

“Psh, no.” He growled, and if Zoe even thought of it-

“You… You like him! Just look at your face! Haha, your gay ass chose a flower boy and you are so in love.” Dammit.

“Fuck you, Zoe.” 

“Love you too, bro.”

And the day dragged on until Connor and Zoe’s shifts were over (Which took a lot of convincing Lauren to allow them to have the same schedule, so that they could take one trip there and back, despite most of the time, the two did not want to see each other at all).

-

“Y-You want what?” 

“Your number, I’d like it please.”

Zoe smirked, leaning her elbows on the wooden counter and looked at Evan with daring eyes. Said boy was stuttering and mixing up words and jumbling stuff up flusteredly as he felt his face burn.

 

“Well I-I see don’t- uh,” He stumbled, feeling his hands start to sweat. Why did she want his number? What did she have to do?

Zoe chuckled a bit, cocking her head to the side. “Not for me,” She cleared up. Evan let out a confused sigh, wiping his hands onto his jeans. “For my brother- The dude I walked in with me yesterday? His name’s Connor and I am Zoe. Basically, Connor doesn’t have any friends and my mom probably will give me brownie points if I got him one. He looked,” She paused again. Rightwordchoicerightwordchoice- “Interested in you.” Nailed it.

Evan gave this girl the look that’d you’d give your guidance counsellor if they were trying to make you friends with someone you obviously were not going to ever talk to again. Which was practically the thing Zoe was doing.

Of course, at least she was confirming that the stranger was indeed a man.

“I know, I know. Not really how friendship works but I’d be worth a shot. I’ve never seen anyone in my life who only has like four contacts in his phone and a text from google from when he made an email account back in 2010.” 

Ugh. Same. Evan had the obvious numbers on his phone- His mom and his dad, despite only getting one call or text (usually the latter) a month from his father. Sometimes less. Which seems impossible until you get those half-hearted calls and texts that make his dad sound like a teen unwillingly report to his mom every other week about rehab or something. Then he had a friend’s- well, this guy didn’t really share the mutual relationship that they had. The last few were his boss and two of the people he worked with. One was Alana, who had to go home early today, and the other was Eva, who asked him to fill in for her shift while she was gone during spring break.

It hurt his masculinity that most of his texts were from girls and that the last latest text, was, instead of ‘hey bby wanna hang ;)’ and some eggplant emoji or something, it was ‘‘Dinner’s in the fridge! Have to work late tonight D:’ from two nights ago sent by his mom. 

Even though it was tempting to try, after all, he could make very good friends, but this could go terribly wrong. Horribly wrong. Extremely. Wrong. But. But Evan could not just say no! If he said no it’d disappoint Zoe and then Zoe would tell her brother and then her brother would cry and then visit his pet rock that he hasn’t talked to in like three years and then Connor would talk to him and then grow up to become some insane person who does drugs and kills people and then he’d be taken away and Zoe would know that it’s all Evan’s fault and Evan would get a phone call from the president saying that Evan is a terrible person and is going to be taken away just like Connor and-

“I- uh, sure, I guess.” 

Evan scrambled to get a light yellow, generic post-it-note which stood next to a few pens and a notepad. He grabbed it and ripped off the front page, nervously looked up at Zoe who was staring at him- Not in a mean or creepy way just… It was hard on Evan, and scribbled his phone number quickly.

He held it out to the sister who beamed politely and took it. “Thanks, Evan.” 

Evan? Evan? She knew his name? Oh my god, they were stalking him. They probably already knew his phone number and but asked so that it seemed like they weren’t. They probably have an entire google doc with just Evan’s information written down, from his house address to social security number-

Or maybe they just read his tag.

Ok, probably the latter.

Most likely the latter.

But they could. Might. Small chance.

-

Slamming her hand down on the counter, startling the two artists who were currently giving tattoos (and their customers. She took a note not to do that again.), Zoe looked triumphantly at the exhausted Connor, who looked up at her with not even the slightest interest in his eyes, and much less interest when she removed her hand to reveal a slightly crumpled up pink paper with small heart and flower designs on the corners.

“Yeah?” He asked in a monotone voice, but his sister just smiled devilishly and turned the paper over, walking towards the door- Today was Zoe’s day off, it turned out- and crossed her arms cockily.

He looked down at it, making out in a rushed handwriting (that clearly belonged to Zoe) the words:

“EVAN HANSEN’S NUMBER:  
862-213-4565”

What. The. Fuck.  
“What is this!?” He yelled at Zoe, who smoothly turned to exit the store.

“Thank me later!” She shouted back, laughter trailing after her words as she evilly entered Lush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god im tired
> 
> also i wrote most of this bc i was sad abt ch-ch-ch-ch-cherrybomb's 'the desperate type' fanfic :( hope ur happy


	4. Who's up at 1:30 sharp and why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no chapter summary we die like MEN

It had been two days since Evan has given his phone number away. The two were probably laughing at him, like an evil brother-sister pair who tricks people into giving away their information and selling it.

It was almost time for him to go to bed, since the next day was a saturday and he had to work from 8 to 12, and he was already in his pajamas- A stupid shirt saying ‘Sea You Later!” with the ocean printed on it that his father had gotten him two years ago and extremely baggy sweatpants that were too wide at the hips and Evan had to pull it up constantly. They were a gross green that looked terrible on Evan. Everything he wore at that time seemed to look horrible on him.

Or maybe he was just doubting himself and he actually looked fine.

Nonsense. No self-love in this household.

It was dark outside, light peeking through the moon and shining on certain objects, which was ignored by the bright, artificial light created by Evan’s room lamp. He checked his phone one last time after a small buzz was heard from it.

April 8th, 10:48 PM:  
jar: hey loser r u up

The boy’s face fell when it was just Jared Kleinman, his friend. Family friend, to be exact. 

Another unsaid rule of the Hansen House: No real friends!

Then again, he should’ve been happy to get the text. After all, it wouldn’t much better if it was from his mom. Maybe he just hoped it was Zoe’s brother- Connor, right?

vans: yeah I guess.

Autocorrect added a period and made his ‘i’ an uppercase. He was too tired to notice before he hit ‘send’. Jared was silent for a moment. Evan thought that he could start a conversation or something, so that he didn’t think he was weird and didn’t care about Jared.

vans: what abt you?

Wait. 

Shit.

jar: well obiously im up  
*obviously  
hey did u get laid soemtime in the past two days  
if so congrats yo

vans: *sometime  
No???? Tho??

jar: then why was zoe murphy writing ur number down on my one of my stickynotes

vans: *sticky-notes  
Why??? Was she writing it???? How do you know it was my number??

jar: lmaooooo it said your name on it dude  
how do you even know her and why does she know ur number

vans: visited the store and asked for my number,,  
for her brother? but he hasnt texted me yet,

jar: well calm down bc i know you’re freaking out

He was a magician. A mind-reader. Evan was already sweating and he quickly typed a retort.

vans: am not

jar: i can feel u hyperventilating weirdo  
anywho  
zo stops by l all the time i doubt she’d even try something on you  
unless 

vans: l??????  
UNLESS????????????

jar: l = lush i thought u knew me  
unless u pissed her off lmao

vans: oh

Evan put his head down on his pillow, earning a ‘thwump’ from the air suddenly leaving the puffy object. He just wanted to sleep. For ever. Leave the crappy life he lives. But…

Then his mom would have to pay for his funeral because everyone knows his dad won’t even try to pay half of the expenses and then also Connor would feel sad because he probably was just shy and didn’t text him because of that and then he’d start crying to his pet rock again about how he killed Evan Hansen and then he’d do that thing that that one Netflix show did with the girl recording tapes before she died but Evan would be a tape but Evan would be dead so Evan would never hear his tape and then someone, probably Jared, would call out Connor and Evan for copying a Netflix show but.

But maybe Evan just watched too much Thirteen Reasons Why.

It’s… Really good.

-

It was the next day in which Evan’s phone vibrated numerous times, so loudly, that it woke him up. Sun streamed through the window, blinding him for a moment, until his eyes settled and he turned his phone on.

April 9th, 1:30 AM  
Unknown number: i doubt you’re up but my sister kept bugging me to text this  
I guess now’s the time?  
it’s connor murphy btw

April 9, 2:19 AM  
Unknown number: clearly you’re not up and cant blame you  
sleep tight ig

Connor Murphy had texted him. Finally? 

Well, the first real question that Evan had was ‘Murphy? That’s their last name?’, but that was besides the point. 

Let’s pray this doesn’t end terribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to me lONGER but my mom wanted me to sleep
> 
> also i really like 13rw so i shoved my opinions onto Evan
> 
> UPDATE: had to fix the dates bc of a 4/20 joke I wanted to make, sorry y'all


	5. Pros and Conners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was GOING to have my beta read this bUT NO MY COMPUTER LOADS FOR AN HOUR AND DOESNT LET ME DO ANYTHING so i have to upload anOTHER CHAPTER RIGHT BEFORE BEING SENT TO BED

So, there’s good news and bad news, boys, girls and everyone in between.

The good news is that it did not end terribly. Yet.

The bad news is that Jared would not leave Evan alone about this. At all.

The problem was barely Connor’s fault- It’s been a week since he first contacted Evan and ever since then they’ve exchanged some texts. At first it was awkward- He asked why Connor was up so late and Connor replied with “insomnia” and then “why are you up so early?” to which Evan said “work” and that was the most interesting part of their exchange, since it just turned to a bunch of “hey”s and “how are you doing? Good. you?”s. 

But when Connor shared a photo of a design he recently drew as a concept sketch asking if he knew anything about flower symbolism, “Or whatever it’s called”, and asked what flowers could be put together to mean “fuck you”.

The ‘u’ in ‘fuck’ was replaced with a star an hour later, because Mrs. Murphy had done another look through his phone- Something they did every other week since Connor had gone to the hospital in the beginning of the year due to him trying to kill himself- and while she was happy about his potential friend, didn’t want him to curse in front of him.

After Evan gave his advice (and asked Alana, who clearly knew more about it than he did), they chatted regularly. Which was strange, because it was like reverse-meeting someone online. Or do people usually do this? Probably not. To be completely honest, speaking over the internet was much easier than in real life, and he prefered that Connor did not visit him again in his store.

When the teen told Jared this, or, really, Jared interrogated him after he was acting happier and more confident than usual, it was like the end of the world for Evan and his joy. Mostly his pride, however. Whatever pride he had left, at least.

“How’s your boyfriend?” was the most common question that he’d ask when they met up. Of course, there’s a reason why he keeps appearing around the poor boy. Jared’s dad was out of town so his mom kept sending him over to Evan’s house constantly, despite Jared being 18 and totally able to take care of himself. Which is a lie. Evan may not end up being the best functioning adult but Jared’s not gonna, either.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Would be the response. 

“Seems like it.” Would follow.

Evan didn’t even know if Jared was saying that on purpose so that would happen, but it did. A lot. 

So he tried to change it up a bit. 

“How’s your boyfriend, Ev?” Jared smirked, sauntering up to him with a starbucks in his hand. God, Jared’s such a white girl.

“Good, what about you?”

His plan to ‘shake things up’ did not work.

The way Evan just casually accepted it destroyed Jared. He burst into laughter so hard that the drink he was taking a sip out of was spit everywhere and the anxious boy realized his mistake.

‘Abort abort abort abort’ rang in his head as he flushed a bright red and sealed his mouth tight.

Remember what Bo Burnham Tweeted. Stop talking and you stop fucking shit up. 

-

April 19th, 10:28  
con: did you see what i did there

evee: ?

con: wait  
change ur name to ‘pro’

pro: ???????

con: ur the (flower) pro and im the con(nor)

Evan stifled laughter as he checked his phone two hours after his unfortunate meet up with Jared. 

pro: pft  
but noooooo ur not that bad

con: irrelevant, 

pro: aw i still love you  
platonically

con: i, too, platonically enjoy your existence. 

Another laugh escaped his lips as he typed one last text before putting his phone down and continuing working.

pro: : D  
i gtg, cant text at work too much

A smile grew on Evan’s face when he heard his phone vibrate 3 more times- 3 texts proving that Connor’s declaration of friendship was true. He didn’t check them, however, obeying the work rules and simply sitting at the counter stool, one hand cupping his cheek as he leaned on his arm, the other laying on the cold top as he waited for a few customers to finish picking out some flowers that Alana was helping them with. 

For once, he wasn’t afraid of messing up the money exchange. 

-

Was it weird to visit your friend during lunch despite you haven’t seen him in a week? Probably. Should Connor do this? Probably not. 

Maybe Evan enjoyed texting him, but he wouldn’t enjoy talking to him. Online Connor is not real Connor. It’s hard to be as nice in the real world. 

He wouldn’t like him.

Connor knew that.

What he didn’t expect was Evan to visit him.

Evan looked really, really nervous stepping into the store, which was a given since wearing a blue polo shirt and wiping sweaty hands on his pants seemed out of place in the dark and edgy studio.

God, was Connor glad he wasn’t doing someone’s tattoo at the moment. 

“Hey,” He waved, pulling a facade of chillness so that he’d seem cool. 

Evan’s face lit up the tiniest bit, which was still enough to make anyone’s day, honestly, and walked towards him. 

“I- Hi, uh, t-this might be really weird…? M-my friend, well, family friend, said you worked here so I thought I’d uh, visit?” He stuttered, keeping an inconsistent pace in his voice, speeding up words here but pausing at other moments. It was really, really cute.

Evan is really, really, really, really cute.

Thank god Zoe was in the back, unable to see the gayest look given by Connor in his entire life and laugh at it.

Did it look gay? Zoe’d probably think so. Did Evan think so? He hoped he didn’t. 

It took Connor a few moments before remembering it was silent (aside from a few buzzes in the background and the screamo music playing). 

“Who’s... your family friend?”

“D- Uh, Jared Kleinman? Got fired from lush 2 times and hired again 3 times?” 

“I think I know him. Or Zoe does, at least,” Zoe knew everyone. So clearly Connor’s tone was not the nicest when saying that. 

Evan winced at the not-so-nice sibling bond they seemed to have. It seemed pretty good in the flower shop. Or did siblings just act like this? Siblings are weird. He had a few half-siblings in Colorado, where his dad lived and had his own family, and he visited three times. They seemed fine. 

“How do you even get re-hired twice?” Connor continued, giving a snicker at the end.

He probably disappointed Evan. Evan wanted the cool Connor, not the weird one working at a tattoo studio but only really giving tattoos once or twice a month.

“I… Don’t know? He even got kicked out once, but then they hired him again because he managed to set up a truce with the manager? Something about stealing bath bombs when he was originally hired, then he smuggled them through someone else so the manager agreed to hire him back if he stopped smuggling them or something?”

“Why was he fired the second time?”

“Because he kept stealing them?” Evan chuckled. If he could easily start a discussion on how weird Jared was like this to everyone, his social anxiety would’ve been gone by then.

“Oh my god.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to fix the dates from the prev. chapter to make a 4/20 joke bc im lame  
> also im dying ugh


	6. 四百二十燃やせ！

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Won't be able to update tomorrow, guys, my mom got me DEH tickets to see it tomorrow (4/21)!!

Connor woke up lazily on the Thursday morning having only 3 things on his mind.

1- It’s Thursday, the second-to-last weekday that they had off for Spring Break.

2- It’s also 4/20.

3- No way in hell will he be allowed to make any 4/20 jokes, at least in front of his family.

Brushing his gross hair a few times to get all the knots out, he placed his brush right next to his four other brushes, three of which he just grabbed them from the bathroom after taking a shower and never returned it, he didn’t bother to change as he strolled down the stairs in flannel sweatpants and an old college t-shirt that he got from his aunt. 

This was to rebel from his parents who would never let him crack a joke about 4/20. Cause it’s “Not funny Connor,” and “It’s a sensitive topic for some people, Connor.” 

It’s not even like Connor smoked that much anymore. He decided to pity his mom and her efforts so he stopped doing it. On bad days, though, it’s a different story. He just liked to say “blaze it” every time someone says the date. 

And throw doritos at people. 

And print out images of weed to stick on people’s lockers.

And, hey, it was funny that one time when his Algebra teacher asked him for his homework and he replied that he couldn’t do it, he was “too busy preparing for the national holiday today.”

Connor always found a way around it, though. To secretly make jokes and puns right under their noses- “What should we have for dinner?” “Oh, I thought weed eat out tonight.” “What?” “I said I thought we would eat out tonight.” was his favourite. 

Pulling out his phone, which his parents made him charge it downstairs so that he’d try to get some sleep one day, he opened the chat with Evan, the cute little button who took the time out of his day to visit the studio. D’aw.

Changing his keyboard language to Japanese (Romaji) and typed in a phrase he’d memorized so long ago, taught to him by FIlthy Frank, the god:

April 20th, 10:46 AM:  
con: 四百二十燃やせ！

Ev: ??

It only took a few seconds for Evan to respond, which was incredible, because Connor never replies immediately. Dedication, man.

con: google translate it

Ev: oh  
I  
wow  
how?

con: magic

Ev: i’ll take that as an answer to please you  
I have a question for you  
how are you allowed to work at a tattoo studio? Shouldnt you be 17 or something

con: just turned 18 actually  
Yeah zo and i are allowed to work there but we’re not really allowed to give tattoos  
i still do tho  
bc we’re short-staffed or smth idk

Ev: oh

Evan thinks he’s weird. Connor’s more than positive that he does. 

Shoving week-old chocolate into his mouth, Connor munched on the easter candy until his sister walked down the stairs, also dressed in PJs, turning into the living room to see her brother sprawled out on the sofa with his phone in one hand and candy in the other.

“How do you live like this?” She scoffed, making her way into the kitchen to get herself some breakfast.

“How do you live like that? Healthy and stable and all,” He yelled back- Not a mean yell, they both were too tired for that, but just one so Zoe could hear all the way in the kitchen.

“Dunno,” She poured the milk into her Fruity Pebbles and grabbed a spoon, then carefully tried to speed-walk back into the den and setting her bowl down before falling into one of their soft chairs, grabbing a blanket that was tossed to the side and draping it over herself. “How’s the Evan thing going?”

“Dunno. Hey,” Connor faced his sister who threw him a half-jokingly disgusted look, “Do you know Jared Kleinman?”

“Yeah I s-” Zoe stopped in her tracks before clearing her throat. “I worked with him a few months ago, before I wanted to join the studio, remember?” 

“Wait, you what?” 

“Worked with him.” Her voice was pretty firm, like a brick wall that was keeping something behind in.

“Before that, you said something that started with an S, idiot.” 

“Don’t know what you mean.” And she turned the TV on, avoiding the rest of Connor’s questions. “Why do you ask?” 

“Evan visited the studio. He’s family friends with Jared.” 

“Poor him.”

“Yeah.”

“So did he visit the studio or did he,” She nudged her elbow suggestively. “Visit you?”

“Yeah, like he’d do that. Stop trying to get my hopes up, you’re gross.”

“You’re gross. And anyways, why else would he go? Last I saw him he seemed too pure to even look at a tattoo pen, let alone go into a store full of ‘em.” 

“Ugh, stop being right.”

“I’m your sister, it’s my job.” 

“Quit, then.”

“Can’t, if I quit then it’ll be dad’s job. You’d hate that.”

“Stooooooooop.” He groaned, getting up and pulling on a hoodie. “I’m going out.”

“Where? And in your Pajamas?” 

“Fuck you and yes.” 

“Fuck you too, bro.”

-

The drive was longer than Connor hoped it’d be, and seeming that he had nowhere to actually go, he pulled his phone out to text Evan. Oh, and because of no-texting-while-driving, he had to pull over to the side of the road.

April 20th, 11:15 AM

con: wanna meet up somewhere or smth it’s fine if you dont wanna

He deleted that last part. He doesn’t need to seem desperate, god. 

Ev: Sure, i have off today  
where? 

con: idk we can drive down to this park if you want  
there’s an ice cream place i used to go to a lot

Was he… Asking Evan out on a date? He didn’t even realize it until he sent the two messages. It sounds romantic. 

Ev: sounds good!!   
you’re driving…?  
i get too anxious when i drive sorry

con: i dont mind  
oh uh  
do you want me to pick you up at your house or

Evan responded with a few “yeah”s and “um”s until he sent his address, to which Connor easily found a route to and parked in front of a small house.

Well, it wasn’t small, but just not as big as the Murphy house. It was pretty cute, actually. But Connor hadn’t much time to study it before Evan, who waited outside of the house, managed to peer through the tinted windows and recognize Connor’s face.

He ran up to the car, then paused in front of the passenger’s seat, twiddling his thumbs before the driver remembered to unlock the car, and soon he scrambled in, awkwardly jumbling up his words anxiously.

“Yo chill, I’m not gonna kill you, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” He laughed, before starting the engine and getting a nod from Evan. 

Was this a date? A friend-date? Were they even friends? Connor barely even knew. At least he got to spend time with a cutie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr's starorysky btw


	7. I hate the number 7

People change when they’re online. The nicest person you know could wind up being someone who harrasses people over the internet. The exact opposite is true, too. 

Connor is no different. 

Sure, Evan is more comfortable online, and while he does seem less anxiety-ridden, especially because his stutter and tone is mostly gone, he’s still Evan Hansen. Still likes trees and apologizes too much. He could also just delete whatever he’s typing- less sentences that come out sounding wrong. Evan actually sounds stable online.

Connor, though. Well, Connor isn’t the nicest person. And he also is a lot better typing than speaking. Real-life Connor is rude, mysterious, and not friendly, but Online Connor? He’s friendly, more open to speak about things and a lot less likely to snap at you for no reason.

So it was a little weird climbing into a car of a person that you’ve only met online and barely know other than that.

Connor’s hair was down, unlike their first two meetings, and it looked like he hadn’t showered in three or so days, which was understandable because he had long(ish) hair and it’s gotta take him at least 20 minutes to shower and like 10 minutes to blow-dry his hair. And that’s long. Evan will never grow out his hair. He also, on closer speculation, was wearing a bit of makeup. Not a lot, but eyeliner was definitely present. Oh, the courage this man had.

He could kidnap Evan, it’s a total possibility. But Connor, at the same time, seemed to tired to do that. Like he gave up trying to pull something like that so he just doesn’t do it. A rebel in retirement, or something.

The ride wasn’t silent, but it wasn’t full of conversation. Just questions being peppered in at certain times, small ones, like “What’s your favourite colour?” and “Favourite song?”. Small stuff that helps you learn small things, like the corner and edge puzzle pieces that you want to figure out first.

From what Evan found, Connor’s favourite colour was either purple or green, he said he couldn’t decide, and his favourite song is “When the Day Met the Night” from Panic! At the Disco, which is also his favourite band. For his favourite food that nobody else liked, he liked pineapples on pizza (Even though they can never eat pizza), and Evan objected saying a lot of people like it, and he replied with “Yeah but Gordon Ramsay said it doesn’t belong on pizza.” and his favourite type of flower was “Anything but a rose- They’re hard as hell to draw, but too many people want rose tattoos and they’re too cliche.

Connor discovered that Evan’s favourite plant was a maple tree, that his favourite colour was blue and that his favourite animal was a cat because they’re usually calm and wouldn’t be too stressful to take care of, but because of his mom’s allergy to cats (Also their financial issue- Evan briefly mentioned that,) they could never get one.

“What would you want for a pet?” Evan asked, turning his attention from the road in front of them to Connor, who stared blankly ahead.

“Probably a dog. Or a snake. Maybe a hedgehog if I can get a permit one day, but I doubt I’d be allowed one.” Evan didn’t ask why. He’d ask heavier questions later.

“I- uh, sorry.” Connor started after a minute of quiet. “I’m a lot better at talking and,” He motioned his right arm at the two of them, “this stuff, with my phone.” 

“Yeah I can tell.” Evan paused, suddenly realizing what slipped out of his mouth. He looked at Connor, who’s mouth was open a bit in a small smile, looking a bit… Proud? “I- I didn’t, sorry I just, it slipped- I, I just, uh, m-me too.” He stammered out, turning a bright red. 

“Don’t apologize, it ruins it. Destroy me, Evan Hansen, it hurts more when the nice boy says it.” He laughed a bit, smirking a bit and as Evan studied his face, he noticed something that quickly brought his attention and was a perfect topic-changer. Or something.

“You have dimples?” 

“Yeah, and you have freckles.”

“MmmMMMMMMmmmMMnMnMnM.” Evan squirmed. His freckles were so embarrassing, they made him look so weird. Like how he really is.

“What? I think they’re cute.” 

“Gahhhhhhh,” He wanted to curl up in a ball and roll away. Like a hedgehog. Evan wanted to be a hedgehog. Maybe he wanted to be the one that would be adopted by Connor. Would he be recognized? Would Connor just go like “Oh hey Evan” and then put him in a cage or something?

‘Change the topic again, Evan. Don’t let yourself live like this anymore.’ His thoughts screamed.

“I think I want to get a bonsai tree someday. Maybe if I go to college or something.” Emphasis on ‘If’. Sure, the essays in the beginning of the year that Evan did were sent in over winter break, but the results come in around spring. And he’d still have to raise more money. Damn, financial issues are the worst.

“A bonsai tree? What the hell is that?” He asked, slowing the car as they reached the end of their long ride. “By the way, we’re here. The ice cream parlor is ‘A La Mode’- Which is right there,” He stepped out of the vehicle, looking at the cute shop. 

“It’s… A potted tree, wait,” Evan quickly pulled out his phone as he grabbed a picture from his library, which, yes, he did save pictures of trees to his photo album, and showed him.

“So it’s a tiny tree.” 

“Basically? I guess?” 

So the pair walked into A La Mode and were met with a sudden chill in the air, and the adorable parlor, littered with decorations that catered to younger kids but still fit with the nice, light aesthetic. It was calming, kinda.

Connor ordered something really, strangely, complicated, which showed his superiority over everyone else in the shop, and Evan just got chocolate, because chocolate was boring, just like him.

“Oh, shoot.” He breathed to Connor, patting his pockets in worry. “I-I forgot my wallet.”

“What? Oh, I was gonna pay.” He shrugged. It was incredible, Connor Murphy, despite what you’d think of him, was responsible enough to have a wallet with a lot of money in it. There’s no way that Connor got the money from his job, right? 

Or were the Murphys just rich? Connor was driving in a car, could it be his own car? Why would you give your mentally unstable son a car if you were rich? Why would you give your mentally unstable son a car at all? God, do rich people know that that’s dangerous? 

Oh my god, if Connor Murphy was rich, then that means that Evan mentioned his financial problems to a rich person. A rich person. Fuck.

“Uh, thanks.” Evan still expressed gratitude, though, grabbing his cup (cones made him scared that the ice cream would fall- It happened twice when he was a kid) and a spoon, taking a scoop and testing a small bit. 

Connor took his… Whatever he was getting- It looked like cookies and cream, but with some extra stuff inside the ice cream? Probably a flavour only in this store but still, it was intimidating and honestly, really extra.

Well, he took his own ice cream and motioned for the two to leave once he paid. 

“Yeah, so Zo and I would come here a lot when we were kids. Are you an only child or something? You don’t seem like you have a younger sibling to bother you.” 

“Uh, not exactly? M-my dad left when I was 7, and now I have three younger siblings. I barely know them but uh, they’re pretty young. There’s Elizabeth who’s 10, I think, then James who’s 5 and then there’s Teddy who is 2.” He recalled, trying to get his facts correct.

“Your parents are divorced?” Connor asked, and Evan shrugged. “Mm. Yeah, guess it’s better to have divorced parents than parents who can’t even stand each other. Don’t even know why my mom bothers to stay with dad. I guess because Zoe or something.” 

“Oh, uh, sorry about that.” And then silence. This was a hard topic to just talk about, and you can’t really say much. At least, these two can’t.

Connor looked down at Evan, trying to have this cool impression on him. Evan, paying too much attention to his ice cream, kept going straight, despite Connor’s obvious right turn. “The park,” He said, putting his hands on Evan’s shoulders and redirecting him, “Is this way.”

“Uh, sorry.” 

“You should stop saying sorry so much.” Evan looked down at his melting treat again, taking another few bites, as if he were stuffing his mouth.

“You want to say it again, don’t you?” Connor asked, rolling his eyes in a dear way.

“Yes, very much so.” Was the response, blurted out with red cheeks.

-

They continued for another two, short blocks, until reaching a fence. 

“Ok, I lied. It’s not a park, it’s an orchard, technically.” Connor admitted.

“The sign makes it look like it’s closed…?” 

“‘Cause it is. C’mon, there’s an opening somewhere. I got in like a few months ago.” 

“Wait, we’re doing this? Breaking onto property?” Evan started sweating nervously, his anxiety kicking in as his heart beat faster.

“No one cares, so calm down. Look, once you see it, you’ll love it, I swear. You like trees? They’ve got great trees.” It almost felt like the last sentence was sarcastic, but it wasn’t. It was close to being sarcastic, like he came all this way to make fun of Evan’s obsessions, but you could still hear genuinity in his voice. 

It actually did calm him down. A bit.

Pretty soon, they found a part of the fence that looked like an animal broke in, leaving a hole just large enough for someone to crawl through without having to wiggle their way in. “Did you make this?” Evan asked, hesitating for a moment.

Connor shook his head. “Nah, I bet some raccoon or something did. I dunno.” He crouched down before going on his hands and knees to slide under, with a little bit of trouble due to his black sweatshirt catching onto the uneven edges of the entrance. “C’mon. Do what I did.”

Evan followed what he did, which made him a little more self-conscious about his body- Connor was lanky and tall and skinny, but Evan had a little more meat on him. His mom claimed it was muscle, because after all, he did do a lot of tree climbing and exercise, despite being on his laptop all the time, but it still was embarrassing that he couldn’t squeeze perfectly in like Connor did. 

They walked in comfortable silence for a minute or two in up a small, small hill in the orchard until they reached a clearing, which greeted Evan welcomingly. 

Connor was right. He did love it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny bit longer since it's saturday and because yesterday I didn't post.
> 
> Still in shock that I breathed the same air that Ben Platt did??? also in 'so big/so small' ben, when hugging Heidi, looks like a bEAN OH MY GOD I REALLY WANT TO HUG BEN PLATT NOW?  
> not gonna lie his stomach was showing and i stared at his stomach most of the time in the hug part
> 
> also i listened to 'be more chill' and g o d
> 
> i gotta start referencing more musicals in this story


	8. They drank Boba Tea 'cause they're white

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited tags- There's gonna be a hint of Alana/Zoe. Cause it's cute. Not a huge thing in this chapter, though. so don't cry, ok.

Connor has a phone. So does Zoe.

Zoe also (still) has the original post-it note with Evan’s number on it.

So obviously, Zoe talked to Evan. 

Like twice.

Two days after was work for both of them, Connor’s shift being from 12 to 6 PM and Evan’s overlapped, being from 9 AM to 1 PM. Zoe had her shift the same time as Evan, and despite not knowing each other very well, Zoe offered to meet Evan at a bubble tea place nearby.

Evan couldn’t decline. It was rude. Evan can’t be rude. That’s against the rules. The rude rules.

The rude rules probably went something like this: Rule #1- Evan Hasen cannot be rude at all. Or something.

Evan didn’t even like bubble, or boba, tea. The tapioca balls were fine- weird, but fine, but he just never liked the drink that came with it. He also got scared that he’s choke on a tapioca ball when he first drank it and it’s affected him since.

Wow, look at him- The kid who didn’t like Boba Tea because he got scared once and never showed up back at the shop until a year later, in which he’s dragged by a girl.

He’s not even dating her. 

Evan could recall Zoe from school, which made him wonder if Connor had already graduated or something, since Zoe played in the Jazz Band. 

Did Evan have a crush on Zoe? No. Not anymore, at least. He did in the beginning of the year, but then he realized that he had no chance of ever being with her since she was much higher on the social ladder than Evan, and a few months after working with Alana, figured out that Alana might’ve had a crush on Zoe, by how she recorded all of Zoe’s Jazz band performances and also mentions her way too much sometimes.

Alana totally deserves to be with Zoe. Alana is the coolest. Never mind homophobes, the pair would probably demolish every single one of them with smiles on their faces.

“Hey, uh, nice to see you again.” Evan snapped out of his thoughts. He’d been waiting outside of one of the tea shops, staring at his phone but not actually paying attention to what’s on his screen.

But there stood Zoe, with her hair in a half-ponytail revealing faded indigo streaks that she had gotten when she was 15 or 16. She was wearing a very cute outfit- Jeans and a denim jacket with a light yellow t-shirt that said “life is good”. 

“Oh, uh, mm, hi. Hi.” He shoved his phone back into his pocket, smiling a nodding a bit.

“Yeah, sorry if I’m scaring you. We’re not all psychopaths in my family. Just Connor.” She started, awkwardly laughing a little bit. “Is this a weird place to meet? It’s just the first place I thought of, we can always go somewhere else.” 

“No, no, this is fine.” Evan assured her, opening the door and holding it out for Zoe, who slipped in gracefully.

There was a small line to the cash register, where a young teen stood wearing the most bored expression of her life. Evan and Zoe talked about what he and Connor did earlier.

“He took you to the orchard? God, that place closed like 7 years ago. Why does he even care about it? Sorry that he kidnapped you and tortured you like that. He probably gets it from my dad.”

“What? No, h-he wasn’t torturing me. I guess he took me there because he knew I liked trees? I-It’s stupid, I know, but we kinda just got ice cream and talked and stuff. It was… nice?” 

“Nice? Jeez, wish he’d be that to me.” 

Evan frowned. “He’s not?”

“Yeah- Wait a sec. Can I have a Mango tea? Uh, what’d you want, Ev?” They were at the front of the line. Shit.

He quickly glanced at the menu, picking the thing he saw first- “I’ll have the banana strawberry blend.”

Shit shit shit. Evan hates the taste of artificial banana. 

He prayed that they used real bananas. 

They did, thank god. 

“So, uh, yeah. Con and I? Not the best relationship. We’re not the fucking Brady Bunch.” Zoe scoffed coldly at the thought of it.

“I heard your dad and mom don’t get along.” 

“Nope. Heard yours are divorced.”

Did Connor talk about Evan behind his back? What did he say? Did Connor actually hate him, but pitied him because he didn’t have friends? Did he take him to the orchard just to see how much Evan would geek out over the trees? Did he make fun of him behind his back about how he had no money?

“Relax. Connor likes you.” 

List of mind readers: Jared and Zoe.

“I’ll just… Continue. You could say it’s mostly Connor and my Dad’s fault for all the shit that happens to my family, I mean, those two are the ones who get along the least, but it’s all of us, to be honest. 

Mom’s trying her best to keep us together, but it’s really hard ‘cause then Connor gets an episode and Dad gets mad at him, because I guess he cares about Connor but he doesn’t really understand mental illness or something.”

“Oh, sorry.” Evan looked down at his drink, which was halfway through. Zoe’s really good at talking. She’s one of those people. “So... Connor likes me? You sure?” He smiled a bit. Self-doubt always starts conversations that make people feel better.

“Yeah. He says that out of a billion people, he’d chose you. Y’know. ‘Cause you’re the closest anyone’s ever been to him in a while. I’m starting to think you only talk to him because he looks hot.” Zoe teased. He felt his cheeks burn as he tried to take a few sips looking casual. Evan was sweating. Not a good sign.

“I, uh, should go home.” Evan sat up from their chairs in the corner of the store, thanking Zoe for paying for the drink, which was the second time the Murphys had money on them and Evan didn’t, and left the shop, waving a small goodbye before speed-walking away until he knew Zoe wouldn’t spot him from the window. 

Ok, Evan can’t handle being flattered. It’s too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys want me to update everyday in shorter chapters (around this length) or every other day, with longer chapters (maybe about twice this much)? Want to know what you guys think, cause I wonder sometimes.


	9. That's a lot of fucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought i wasnt gonna finish this w Ow

Evan was walking side-by-side with Jared in the mall, Jared with a slushie in hand and talking about something having to do with his camp friends and how much cooler they were than Evan. Why were they even hanging out? Evan had no clue. He just found himself in the mall and Jared appeared out of nowhere. 

 

He guessed that that was their friendship. The appear-out-of-nowhere kind.

 

Wearing a light blue t-shirt and super ugly khakis that were found in the bottom of Evan’s drawer, which he regretted wearing on this day.

 

Sunday. Last day of spring break before living hell. School.

 

He wasn’t paying attention to Jared. He kinda stared blankly into the distance, not noticing anything.

 

Evan’s mind wandered, muffling out the noises that everyone around him was making. It was a calm thought, almost like a dream.

  
There he was, in the perfect field with the perfect flowers and everything was ok for once. No anxiety to gnaw at Evan’s stomach, tearing him down and then clumping himself back up, screaming to himself that he had to _get it together_ , that he had to be a better person despite being the _worst_ person. He just... enjoyed himself in the nostalgic  scene where the sun was a tad too bright but never burning him, never forcing Evan to step out of the sun.

It was nice to think about. But reality always came crashing in like a dark storm in the dream.

 

And just like in a storm, Evan got soaked.

 

“Oh. My. God.” Jared howled with laughter, setting his drink on a table nearby and taking a moment just to enjoy pure idiocy. 

 

So, maybe daydreaming in a mall when walking wasn’t the best thing because Evan woke up to a sight of his own reflection in the fountain water. Thankfully his hands and knees rescued him from any real damage, but his pride was hurt enough and the boy’s face suddenly turned red as he scrambled out of the fountain, slipping on some coins that had landed on the bottom.

 

Everyone in the perimeter was staring at this bumbling mess. Even a security guard came to help Evan up, and the security guard probably thought that ‘ _Wow, this guy is such an idiot, falling into the fountain like it was a kiddie pool’._

 

The worst part? There stood Connor Murphy just staring at him.

 

Connor. Fucking. Murphy.

 

Evan must look like the most stupid person in the existence of the world. 

 

To be fair, Connor wasn’t looking at him in a judgemental way, more of a shocked way, but it destroyed Evan that two people just saw him fall into a _fucking. Fountain._

 

* * *

What the **FUCK.**

There was Connor, just making his way to Dairy Queen, looking all semi-straight with his hair up, when those gay thoughts catch him again.

Evan is so fucking…? Hot? 

He was cute before, he was precious and small and extremely huggable before…

But soaked with water, he’s literally dripping with good looks. Enough to make Connor quote a stupid anime! It felt like hell to exist in this world with so many hot and cute people.

The two locked eyes before Connor took a deep breath and walked out, keeping a steady, fast pace and hugging his sketchpad to his chest. He needs to chill. Dairy Queen is perfect for that. 

Admittedly, Connor never ate at DQ. He just never had the time. So, he just got a vanilla cup and tried to shove it in his mouth as he made his way back to his ‘homebase’, which is just the back room of where he worked, set the cup down and let out a small (but obviously manly) whimper.

Boys are really, really, really good looking.

“You look like you’re dying,” Zoe was the first to talk out of the two employees in the area, looking up from her phone and speaking in a monotone voice.

“‘Cause I am.” He gasped sarcastically, to which his sister responded with, “Finally.”

“Anything happened, Con?” An older worker asked- His name was Jax, and for someone who had a badass name, he looked even more badass, with tattoos covering his arms and to his neck, probably having some on his chest, most likely. He was probably one of the only people Connor actually wanted to be.

He’s just so cool?

“Uh, yeah. There’s a person who I-”

“He’s really gay for this dude named Evan~” Zoe teased, a smile being devilishly spread onto her face.

“I see,” Jax nodded, signalling for the brother to talk.

“He fell in the fountain. Wearing a pastel. Blue. Shirt.”

“Ahh.” He chuckled, glancing back at Zoe who burst out laughing at the thought. “Poor you, I bet?” The man continued.

“Poor Evan, more like. God, doesn’t he have anxiety?” She patted Connor’s back. “He’s dead now too, I bet. Go meet your loved one up in… Somewhere.”

“Stoooooop.” Connor moaned, slapping away her hand and getting a fake disgusted look. 

“Whatever. Learn to chill, it’s your turn to go up on cash register again, Romeo.” And with that, Jax got up and waved the two good-bye, leaving out the back door.

The brunette rolled his eyes, dragging himself over to the cursed machine as he stared outside the window, picking at the newly applied black nail polish that lay on his hands. He got it on sale at Hot Topic.

It wasn’t until later, when Connor arrived back at home, that he noticed how little texts he’s been receiving. Little as in none.

He decided to plug the device in and type a little message, sending it and looking at for the little ‘Read’ message at the bottom of the screen. It appeared in a few seconds.

April 23rd, 7:45 PM:

Connor Kent: hey r u ok

…

…

evee: not sure

is 

is this weird to ask but

Connor Kent: shoot it

**  
evee: do you think i’ll ever be.. y'know **

** good enough **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my eyes have been opened up to the world of Rich Text instead of HTML. oh my god
> 
> also im a Very Inconsistent Person so i decided I'll try to update everyday w/ chapters around this long or so, but maybe on the weekends, I'll take more time to write longer chapters. That sound good? idk we'll see


	10. this left off on a weird note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear diary: i just realized; im a fanfic writer, i can destroy hundreds of people by clicking multiple small buttons, causing characters to pop up on my screen

Connor’s heart raced as he read over the message for the third time. He wasn’t good at this! Connor was supposed to be the depressing one, dammit. His fingers shook over the keyboard that stood at the bottom of his screen.

 

evee: y’know what that was a stupid question, nvm

 

Fuck. He was too slow.

 

Connor Kent: r u ok?

why would you ever think you’re not?

 

evee: no just ignore it

its fine ok

 

Connor Kent: no really why

 

evee: i mean

you saw me at lunch

Im a mess

You know it

you ran off i guess

 

Connor Kent: i left for another reason. i swear

 

Connor couldn’t help but imagining Evan, also shaking like him, sitting down with his phone in hand, tears pouring out of his eyes.

 

evee: then why’dd

you leave

 

He really was crying, wasn’t he? Connor couldn’t respond. He couldn’t think of anything good to say. What, was he supposed to say “you’re just really good looking”? Connor _can’t_ lie, it probably won’t make Evan feel any better.

 

God, he hates emotion.

 

Instead of replying, he guilty sighed and put his phone down, getting up to walk to his room, letting his legs take him up the stairs as he dismally lay onto his bed.

 

His bed was soft. Perks of having rich parents, huh. Grabbing his pillow, Connor tried to think of anything else, other than the failure he was at comforting his sad friend, whom he was pining for daily.

 

* * *

 

Believe it or not, sisters are incredible things. 

 

“Alright, get up asshat, we’re going to dinner,” Zoe yelled through the door not too long after Connor had thought he’d fallen asleep. She kicked it open and stared down at Connor, hands on her hips. “So stop moping around.”

 

“Is this some kind of sister-brother bonding thing mom wants us to do?” He grumbled, not even facing his sister as he slid off the bed.

 

“No, I have to babysit you while I get some help for bio.” She accentuated ‘babysit’, and Connor rolled his eyes. Of course, his parents didn’t trust him on his own.

 

“With whom? And where’s mom?” The brother stepped out into the hall, arms hanging by his side, defeated.

 

“Alana Beck and Mom is out doing rich lady shit with her rich lady friends. C’mon, I promised her I’d be there in twenty.”

 

“Maybe we can eat blocks of cheese before she makes us go on a dairy-free diet.” He scrunched up his nose at the thought, which was actually a possibility with Cynthia, who always makes them do weird and crazy things.

 

Pretty soon they were out the door and in the car, watching the rain splatter on the windshield as shitty pop music played from the radio. Ew.

 

“Is it just Alana, you and me?” Zoe did this shit. Surprising Connor and destroying him with said surprise. He had to make sure that anything going on would at least not be her fault. She just seemed… So willing to take him. He even noticed that she slipped her algebra binder into her backpack, and not her bio one. Fuckin’ strike Connor dead if he didn’t catch Zoe doing something.

 

“I think. Alana said that a, an… Acquaintance of hers might show up.”

 

“How do you even know her?”

 

“She did a volunteer thing for the jazz band. Alana goes to our school, idiot. Co-directed the play, was vp of the student body like twice, it goes on.”

 

“And how do I know her?” That name sounded way too familiar for Connor’s tastes.

 

“She works with Evan.” The answer was quick and short and extremely painful. He felt his stomach sink when he heard the name of his friend who probably wasn’t even his friend anymore because Connor’s a dick and he just saw the dick side of Connor and now he’ll tell everyone about how much a freak he is and he’ll have even less friends than before-

 

And Connor just needed to breathe for a moment. Maybe he’ll explain when Evan’s not crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ended it short bc im contemplating whether or not i want to throw myself out of a window bc these chickpeas are really bad but i dont want to say anything to my mom  
> Dunno if AO3 just sucks at updating this but it says I updated the last chapter today when I updated last night??? welp whatever


	11. Woah look, plot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my 1 rule: every bad chapter must be followed by a very satisfactory and nice chapter. Please tell me I've done well.

By the time the Murphy siblings arrived, Alana Beck was supposedly sitting at a booth near the back, which they couldn't see from the entrance. Zoe was persistent on trying to get there earlier, however, traffic was not on their side and the two ended up 15 minutes late. Connor, who barely paid attention to his surroundings in the car, kept having to snap back into reality and answer texts for Zoe, who kept having to repeat what she'd said a second ago, which Connor didn't hear because of his music playing in his headphones.

For the most part, Connor didn't look like he cared very much. He had a flash of concern in his eyes when she mentioned Evan's name, yes, but other than that, he mostly just plugged in his ear buds and left himself drift off, checking his phone once in awhile and responding to Zoe's texts from Alana. His hair was up again, which means he just didn't take it down after work, something Connor usually does, and admittedly, Zoe liked when his hair was up. 

It looked good on him. 

Would Zoe say that to his face? No. If she had the chance, would she try and get matching indigo streaks dyed into their hair? Probably. He has all that hair, might as well make it look nicer than just two hair styles.

Finally reaching their destination was the best part, because  _god_ was Ms Beck cute and ok, Zoe did lie about studying with her, but asking Alana to have dinner with the siblings and bring along her co-worker was so amazing since Alana is an _incredible_ person.

"Zoe! Hi there, Connor! Nice to meet you formally." Was the first thing Alana said to Connor and her, holding out her hand and standing up from the booth. You could see a book lying on the table and a bag right to the side of where she was sitting. After that stood the one and only Evan Hansen.

Just as planned.

"This," She motioned to Evan, "Is Evan, but I know you two know that already." 

Zoe gave a small wave to Evan, who sealed his mouth tight, quickly scanned the two newcomers and went back to scrolling on his phone. She pushed Connor into the seat and scooched in after, setting down her backpack, and smiling widely at Alana.

 

* * *

 

Connor was sweating like hell. Dying. Burning. Evan barely made eye contact with him, instead just sitting in his odd, slouched position, staring straight down at his phone. What was he supposed to do? Whip out his phone and do the same? His phone was on 18%, that's definitely not going to last him an hour. 

That's when Evan put his phone down with a defeated sigh. He'd reached 80%. He's gotta stop using his phone or else it'll run out of battery. Damn, he'd hoped that he didn't have to look at anyone tonight.

"Uh, hi." Connor gave Evan a small smile, who bit his upper lip very slightly, nervous he'd do something wrong.

"H-hi." He scrambled to grab a menu from the middle of the table, which lay on top of just one more, meaning that Alana and Zoe were already deciding what they wanted. "I, er, what are you thinking of getting?" He tested, trying to scan over it, looking for anything he'd actually want.

"Mm, I don't know." The taller of the two sighed, picking one up as well, trying to make himself seem semi-enthusiastic about the menu options. He raised his brows in faux-surprise, raising his voice to show sarcastic interest. "Wow, the egg salad with scrambled eggs on the side sounds... _eggcellent._ " 

He hates kale. Kale is gross.

Evan let out a small chuckle, and Connor continued. "Oh, did I make you _crack up_?" He laughed even more. Evan's laugh could cure cancer, honestly. Especially when it's genuine and real. At least it could cure Connor's cancer if he ever got it.

Evan tried to jump in, competing with the other boy. "Stop _yolking_ around!"

"Mm, pretty bad, _omlettin'_ it slide." And with that, he burst into giggles, catching the attention of the girls of the table.

"Evan, did you decide what you wanted?" Alana asked, turning her attention to him. Did she think he was a kid? Why- "Oh, uh, Evan's not very keen with ordering so I do it for him. He's a great acquaintance, so I don't mind." Evan looked embarrassed when she had to explain but then leant in to discuss what he wanted. It seemed like he couldn't decide, and Alana told him what she liked and didn't like, making his decision much easier. 

Why even call him an acquaintance, clearly she's his friend, dammit.

The waitress came over, setting their waters down and asking what they'd like, to which Connor quickly chose the first thing he saw. Spent too much time on egg jokes, huh. 

Under his breath came the words "Damn, I'm  _scrambled."_ that earned a wheeze from Evan who tried his hardest to remain silent.

 

* * *

 

 

In the end, Alana and Evan ate the same thing- two sliders each with french fries. Evan got a Shirley temple along with Zoe for his drink, and Zoe got spaghetti. Connor had chicken noodle soup and chose not to have a drink, while Alana decided to get a milkshake. Zoe was disappointed she hadn't seen the word 'Milkshake' on the menu and Alana gracefully let her take a few sips from her own drink.

Alana's such a good friend. Never mind acquaintance, according to her. Did she not trust that they thought of her as a friend? Or did she not think of them as friends- That she had closer friends before and never got to that level with anyone else.

The dinner went way better than expected. They talked about a lot of stuff, ranted about things they didn't like, and it was really nice. Connor, when thinking about Alana's strange ways of acquaintances, realized that these people, or at least Evan, were his friends. Did Zoe count? Zoe's his sister, of _course_ , she doesn't count.

The highlight, however, was when Alana discussed her idea.

"You know, Evan and I thought, that we could make a group to help other people who have problems get through them. We could make videos and have people send in messages or something if they ever have a problem, probably anonymously or something. I know that Evan has anxiety and Connor, you go through your own mental issues, so I really think it'd help us all out. It might be easy to discuss ideas since Evan and I work together and you two work not to far away either, so we could meet up at the Willowbrook Mall food court during our lunch breaks to talk and solve problems." She announced proudly, getting a smile from Evan, who nodded his head.

"That sounds really great," Zoe mused, and Connor shrugged, though showing that he agreed.

"So you two would be willing to be in? That's great! And," She gave room for Evan to speak a little, who started off shakey and a little unsure. 

"J-Jared Kleinman said he'd be willing to help code and program it if I gave him 20 dollars," He started, "and lived with me knowing that I'm a dick." 

"I think this is cool, Alana." Connor admitted, "but we're supposed to, what, do this during school and work days?" 

"I thought we could take turns replying when we can. This would be hard, but I'm always up for a challenge! We just need some time to set it up and a name. Any ideas?"

"Uh... Could the placeholder be something like... 'You Will Be Found'? That seems fitting, I guess since we're helping other people who are calling out for help." Zoe chipped in.

It was settled. And thus, the four decided on when to meet for their first meeting.

And Connor easily got out of explaining something embarrassing with puns. Win-Win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, if you're curious on why the format's a bit different, I usually write my chapters in Google Docs first, and on docs, I double space my paragraphs to make it look nice. Decided I should just write on the New-chapter page.
> 
> Cause I'm a loser who doesn't think things thru duh
> 
> oh yeah and dw jared's gonna play a bigger part in this, there's just a lack of alana in this fandom guys


	12. Back at it again with those sticky notes eh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are fanfic authors who title their chapters numbers, ones who title them song names, and others, like me, who /don't know./

A week after, the four (Plus Kleinman) met up in the food court, right where they planned. Zoe got some fries and forced Connor to eat them, but other than that, no one was hungry. They were all staring at the laptop Jared had brought along with him, as they talked about what they wanted the site to look like.

Jared grumbled a bit, feeling a little pushed around by everyone else, but everyone ignored it and the moment Jared had edited the final bit, he immediately went onto Twitter. 

“What’re you doing, Jared?” Zoe had asked, “We’re done.”

“Well, how do you think people will find the website? A magical scroll appears outside the window of all the troubled children in the world? No, so we have to make a twitter account and then advertise it.” He explained simply, a bit of sarcasm on the tip of his tongue. “Still, we have to catch the attention of a whole lot of people. I was thinking of doing a sex tape.” 

“Jared, please don’t.” Evan whimpered, a frown placed on his face.

“Well, what do you suppose we do?” 

“...Maybe a speech? At school, we could ask to do an assembly or something advertising the website and why it’s so important. The troubles of what it’s like to go through this or how to help your peers. I volunteer to do a speech,” Alana smiled at her idea. “But I’m already doing a speech for graduation, so I think someone else in this group should do one.”

“Not me. I’m terrible at speeches.” Zoe admitted. “I mean, I could do it, but it’ll sound really really robotic. Kinda happens.”

“I’m the school scary kid. Can’t do this, either, sadly.” Was Connor’s reply, shrugging. 

“I vote Evan to do it.” Jared barged in, bluntly. “I mean, yeah he’s a loser but he’s super relatable. Anyways, you ramble a lot, that’ll work out for you somehow.”

“M-Me? What? W-W-Why would… Why would you want me? To do it?” He panicked, getting sweaty palms at the thought. 

The idea terrified him. A curtain of eyes staring at his every move, judging, thinking about their own opinions on how he was. _‘God, he’s such a slob.’_ Would be echoed in the hallways about Evan. _‘Have you seen his posture? So improper.’ ‘His stutter is so annoying.’_ It was otherworldly to think that Evan Hansen, the kid who stared at his cards in front of his class in 9th grade while trying to give a speech and almost ending up in tears when he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything, was capable of something like this, in front of the whole school?

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Evan.” Words of safety helped him calm down a bit, then he shook his head. 

The last thing he wanted to do was let down these… Friends and disappoint them. But wouldn’t he be doing that by saying the speech? But he’d probably just get an O.K from them if he had a panic attack on stage, _right?_

“I’ll uh, I’ll do it, s-sure.” 

“Really? Evan, we don’t want you to do it if you don’t want to.” Alana asked, reaching out her hand across the table to hold Evan’s, to help stop the shaking and whatever he might be experiencing. 

“No, I’m sure I can try.” He received light smiles from everyone but Jared, who gave him a thumbs up while typing something with his right hand onto the laptop.

“Not to break up this… This, but we’re going to have to design some stuff for the website. Logo, backgrounds, etc.” He pointed out, getting a nod from Connor.

“Yeah, I can do some stuff. If we’re sticking with ‘You Will Be Found’, I already tried a few designs.” Flipping his sketchbook to the latest page, he pointed to one on the bottom right that looked a bit cleaner than the rest, with other versions looking similar to it on the side. It was the words, really, stacked on top of each other, coloured in with different shades of blue, the darkest shade on the bottom and lighter ones on the top. “It’s simple but it’d fit on buttons and stuff, I guess. Plus, my tablet’s in my room and I have photoshop, so I can send an email or something of the finished version.” 

“Grrreat. Alright, does anyone have a sticky note? I will graciously right down the email and password to log in for you guys.” Jared said, eyeing the logo. Zoe passed him a pack of extremely familiar post-its (to which Jared muttered 'Finally you returned them'), and Jared scribbled the information onto it. “Also, shouldn’t we have a group text or something? To send nudes to each other and shit?”

“Maybe not for those reasons, but I think we could do that! Evan, you have everyone’s numbers, why don’t you?” Zoe asked, pulling out her phone and turning it on. Finally, someone asked him to do something that wasn’t impossible. 

“Yeah. But I have to get back to the Flower Pot soon.” He did the same, opening the app and pressing the ‘New Chat’ button, selecting the contacts for each of the people there. 

“Oh, I almost forgot! We have to go back a little early today, we’re supposed to be getting some seeds and flowers pretty soon.” Alana explained, grabbing her bag and walking over to Evan’s side of the table. “You guys do what you need to, but make sure to tell us! The co-presidents have to know eventually.” 

“Co-presidents? Bummer, what am I then?” Jared asked, turning around and facing her, pretending to want a specific position.

“You can be the secretary or treasurer. Co-president positions are filled, though. Sorry!” 

“What about Connor and Zoe?” 

“Connor is the graphic designer and Zoe… You and Zoe decide who wants to be what. I think she’d be a great secretary, so that’s a suggestion.” Her eyes flickered at Zoe for a moment.

The two left soon after, and then the Murphys had to dash as well when Connor looked at his watch and discovered they were five minutes late. Jared was the last one at the table, opening his backpack and fishing for a small container with a bath bomb in it.

  
He had a nice lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of my friendship w/ this one friend of mine revolves around the jared eats bath bombs meme so like
> 
> sorry
> 
> 'such a slob, terrible, such a slob'


	13. i can only think of the easter bonnets thing rn

May 1rst, 5:03 PM

Evan Hansen has added Alana Beck, Jared Kleinman, Connor Murphy and Zoe Murphy to the group chat.

Evan Hansen has renamed the group chat to ‘You Will Be Found’

Jared Kleinman has renamed the group chat to ‘You Will Be Found Naked’

 

Evan Hansen: :( 

 

Evan Hansen has renamed the group chat to ‘You Will Be Found’

Evan Hansen has changed Jared Kleinman’s admin permissions

 

Jared Kleinman: :(

 

stars: connor finished the thing btw but he’s getting back from therapy rn

i’ll have him send it later

 

jar: gr8, wbu @alana and evan

 

Co-pres: Evan and I finished writing the basic outline for the speech! We didn’t have time to practice very much yet, though.

 

ev: im trying but i feel like my neighbors can hear me through the wall

 

jar: lmao ur voice isnt even loud enough to hear you across the room

 

ev: you’re not helping :(

 

Co-pres: Did you and Zoe decide what you wanted to be yet?

 

stars: im secretary bc i cant keep track of money for shit

most of it’s my mom’s money anyway

 

jar: which makes me treasury

So u should

Treasure me

 

stars: stop

 

murphco: ew

 

stars: ew

 

murphco: why does zoe have to be in here

 

stars: bc im secretary bitch

 

murphco: can we fire the secretary, alana

 

Co-pres: No, we need her, thank you for your concerns

 

jar: we should fire connor, alana

 

ev: please don’t

 

Co-pres: we also need him, Jared.

 

* * *

 

 

Evan stared at the stage, light shining on it as it stood out fiercely from the dark and judging faces that made up the audience. He was behind the velvet curtain, waiting for the principle to finish talking. When she announced his name, he scooped up his cards and his stomach dropped when the stack felt lighter than how it usually was. 

_ ‘It’s just your imagination, Evan. Your anxiety is just making you feel that way.’  _ He kept telling himself, assuring that it was nothing but his fear. 

Stepping onto the wooden stage, he stared down at his first card, reading it over and over again, having to stop himself when he reached the middle, right behind the microphone.  _ ‘Just read what it says, Evan.’  _ He was breathing heavily, fiddling through his cards and looking up at the audience as the light shined over him, seeing a few cameras pulled out and staring at his every move, recording every second of this terrifying experience. 

_ ‘Practice like how you have for the past few days. Breathe. Act normal. Don’t do anything stupid.’ _

“C’mon,” He whispered to himself, trying to gather any confidence that was hidden inside of him. 

“Good morning, uh, students and faculty I just,” Evan paused, reading directly from his note cards. “Would like to say a few words, to you today about,”

“The ‘You Will Be Found’ Project.”

The teen’s voice was bland and nothing like how he usually speaks, trying to talk fast to get this over with.

“I started this, uh, project with my co-president, Alana Beck, and,” He cleared his throat, getting a glimpse of the bored stares coming from the audience. “Jared Kleinman, as well as Zoe and Connor Murphy,

We decided to make a website to help people with problems and they can submit, er, those issues anonymously and one of us with help you with resolving the issue and, uh, I-,” He flipped the card. “Good morning students and… faculty..” The speaker’s voice trailed off and his breathing increased, trying to find where he’d  _ went wrong and why that was it and why didn’t he write more, dammit. _

Then, the cards fell and along with it was Evan and his mental stability. Trying to frantically gather his cards murmuring “Sorry”, he sat there, playing with his tie with one hand and holding the white notes in his other, until finally standing up again. He was shaking, lips pressed together as he turned red and anxiety gnawed at him, trying to destroy what was left of Evan Hansen.

He put the cards into his back pocket.

“Have you ever felt like nobody was there? Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? Have you ever felt like you could disappear? Like you could fall, and no one would hear?” The words fell out of his mouth, shaky and unstable, but still eligible.

“But see, see the thing is that when I had my cast, I, uh, fell from a tall tree over the summer. And when I looked up, no one was there. I was alone and I… I didn’t feel like I mattered anymore. But everybody does, that’s um, a gift not all of us could see. I just wish… I wish I can make sure no one else feels that way anymore, so

Let that lonely feeling wash away. Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be ok. ‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand, you can reach, reach out your hand.”

“And oh, someone will come runnin’ and I know, they’ll take you home. Even when the dark comes crashing through, when you need a friend to carry you, and when you’re broken on the ground, you will be found. So let the sun come streaming in, ‘cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again, lift your head up from the ground. You will be found.” He continued, the speech much easier and feeling much more confident. “You will be found. You will be found, you will be found. You will be found.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Have you seen this? Someone put your speech online!” Alana smiled, showing a video of Evan on his school stage, posted by some user on youtube. 

“My speech?” He echoed, turning to look. Screw the no phones rule at work, this was important!

“People started sharing it, I guess, and now our project is everywhere!”

It wasn’t just Alana who had noticed, at their daily lunch meetup, Jared even barged in with excitement. “Your speech is everywhere! This morning the ‘You Will Be Found’ page had only 56 following.”

“Ok, well how many does it have now?”

“4,582!” He checked his phone again. “Nevermind, 16,239!” He smiled widely, looking up at Evan through his glasses. 

“Ho-ly shit,” Connor muttered, taking a sip from his smoothie. “We should probably check our inbox, then, don’t you think, Kleinman?”

“One step ahead of you. Had to filter all the ‘thank you’ messages from the actual problems, so yours truly took the time out of his day to do so.”

So, huddled around a MacBook pro for half an hour, the five teens all collectively answered messages as a group, making some private and some public, but all solved and all with reasonable replies. Jared guaranteed them that in order to ask a question, they have to put in their email so they’d get a message when it’s replied, unlike ‘tumblr’s shitty system of anon messages’.

The project was, so far, a success. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS A LOT LONGER THAN IT TURNED OUT TO BE??? i must be getting emotional while writing these huh
> 
> anyways  
> sorry i didn't update yesterday! mom got me tickets for a film festival so i had to go. took way longer than it had to be and i had an anxiety attack in an ice cream parlor. that's Iconic tbh
> 
> EDIT: u may have noticed the group chat part in the beginning? of course u have if you have eyes, but like  
> wanted to keep things a little light hearted at first


	14. Roll credits -Cinema Sins

Connor sat at the dinner table with Zoe and their mom- It was another late night for Larry, so Cynthia cooked and the three were just fine on their own. Connor kept looking down at his phone and smiling while his sister had a fixated glare on him. Neither had touched their food. Cynthia sure tried, but she was anything but a good cook. 

“Aren’t you two going to tell me about what happened with this thing going around facebook recently? I heard you two were involved and I’m so proud of you guys!” She cheered, trying to break the ice.

Zoe ignored her attempts and finally spoke up about the only man in the room. “Connor, please stop being gay at the dinner table.” He looked up with an ice cold stare, setting his phone down on the table and a disgusted look was set on his face.

“I’m not.” He spat, tapping his index finger on the table in annoyance. “Why do you get to criticize me?”

“Honey, what are you talking about?” His mom enquired, looking at both her children in confusion, putting her fork back on the table mat.

“Connor likes-” Zoe’s voice was cut off as Connor fiercely got up and shoved his hand over her mouth. “I’m going to fucking kill you.” He not-so-subtly muttered, and nothing in his tone suggested otherwise than the truth.

“Connor, please calm down,” Cynthia had started to stand as well, her voice unsure and not very brave. “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to, dear.”

Zoe licked his hand, causing his arm to retract and shake his hand. Still, this wasn’t victory for her, more of a retreat. “He’s going to have to say sometime, mom.” The words were obviously aimed at Connor, but he chose to not acknowledge his sister’s comment.

“You will too, you know.” Was the last response before he stormed off into his room, but not before grabbing the black phone next to Connor’s full plate.

* * *

 

May 5th, 6:36 PM

 

evee: r u ok? you left a second ago :( 

 

coo: yeah dinner shit happened

 

The long-haired boy sat on his bed, wrapped with blankets despite the warm weather. He was huddled around his phone with a screen too bright but on the dimmest setting, and Evan’s texts popped up in a matter of seconds.

 

evee: what happened?

 

coo: zo’s just being a bitch again

 

evee: that’s not very nice 

 

coo: whatev

do you wanna vc or something

 

evee: voice chat or video chat????

 

coo: video i guess

 

evee: can’t, i look sweaty and terrible and i haven’t showered since the speech

 

coo: u probably look great dw

go bathe and come back later it’s good for your health

 

evee: i didn’t know you cared about health

 

coo: hard to believe, i know

 

He smirked at his phone screen, and when Evan didn’t reply after a minute, went to work.

* * *

 

“D-Did they bring in another shipment of flowers already? Why aren’t they in the back?” Evan asked Josie, who shrugged. 

“‘Parently someone ordered them two or three days ago.” She said, finishing watering some petunias and turning to look at her co-worker.

“Ordered? You’re- You’re kidding, right? This is… This is a lot of flowers to order…”

“You’re hella right it is. God, that’s a lot of flowers.” Josie said, looking at the large pile sitting by the cashier, almost engulfing it with petals and leaves. “You also might cry, so prepare yourself.” She warned.

“They’re a gift to someone, and”

“And?”

“They’re for you.”

She was right. He did cry.

* * *

 

This certainly was not the last time someone ordered flowers for Evan, but it was the only flower pile sent by an anonymous person, with no note or anything. He put the flowers in vases since they were already cut, and once he had run out of vases, had to fill tall cups up with water to put the rest in. His mom was beyond confused the first time she arrived home that day.

He told Jared about the incident and no one else, so clearly Jared was at fault for the rest of the flowers being sent to him, because Evan’s speech was not the only thing to go viral about him. The second thing was where he worked.

Evan had started getting used to employees of the flower pot handing him a bouquet of flowers with a note attached, all from people who saw his speech and wanted to thank him. The one stood out to Evan the most, however, (Aside from the first one) was sent by a girl named Veronica who had talked about her experience with depression and even losing her boyfriend to suicide. It was an order of lilies, orchids and carnations. Veronica had done research, apparently, on flower symbolism.

* * *

 

May 10th, 4:23 PM

 

coo: so do u know who sent u the flowers

 

evaning, m’lady: no, i’d really like to meet them tho and give them my thanks

But idk what else i’d say

bc idk if they did it bc of the speech or??? Why would you do it anon im so confused now

 

coo: maybe its like ur,,,

Secret admirer 

Its like leaving a note in your locker but much more highkey ig

 

evaning, m’lady: do you think they go to our school?

 

coo: i bet tbh 

maybe not tho

Idk do you know anyone who likes to hang w/ you and might like you

 

evaning, m’lady: im just really really confused because n o

 

coo: i’ll fight your confusion for u mk

 

evaning, m’lady: thanks i appreciate it 

 

coo: nvm i have to sign off, stay alive for me 

 

evaning, m’lady: ok, and u make sure you live to fight another day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe i wrote this that fast wow
> 
> I think I'm going to change the overall title to something else, only because of 'i want to be at the top of the page dammit' issues. If I do change it, know that this day, 4/30/17, it was named 'god thats a lot of flowers'.


	15. I too, like Jared, want attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me, not updating consistently

“Holy shit. Ho-ly fuck-ing shit.” Jared approached Evan at lunch during school, staring at his phone in exasperation.

“W-What happened?” Evan asked, trying to peer at his cell, but failing when the other pulled it closer to his chest.

“You might get over excited at this news, my dear Hansen boy, so you’ll have to sit down a second.” And he took the tree boy by the shoulders and made him take a seat, then sat down across the table. “I was scrolling through my facebook feed-”

“You have... a facebook?”

“It’s for the YWBF thing- I was scrolling through it when I saw Cynthia Murphy, Connor and Zoe’s mom, post something quite incredible.”

“And it was…?”

He showed Evan the post- Two pictures of Zoe and Connor, but with a rainbow flag layered on the boy's and a pink-to-purple-to-blue on his sister’s. The caption read: I’m so proud of my two babies! Con and Zo came out to Larry and I last night as Gay and Bisexual (respectively)! It took a second for Larry to adjust but we both support them and are happy to be parents of such incredible children! We love you! <3

Evan was going to throw up. Not because of the post- Ok, it might be because of the post, but not because he was against it. He didn’t exactly know why, but the thought of _Connor Murphy being gay_ suddenly made him feel… Anxious? But at the same time, he felt relieved? Like some part of him hoped that Connor was gay?

Of course not that he’d totally want to date Connor Murphy, no, no, Evan Hansen is 100% straight- like a hard spaghetti noodle waiting for death by being boiled.

Being… boiled? Was Evan going to be boiled? He compared himself to a spaghetti noodle. Those don’t stay straight for long. Fuck, wrong comparison.

God, now Evan was confused.

“Hell-o, Evan Hansen?” Jared poked him, waking him up from the abyss of his mind. “Are you planning your wedding or something?”

“What? No, no, I just… Do you have any other news? Where’s Alana? And Connor?” The question was on his mind just a few minutes ago. He couldn’t find the two in the crowd of students, and since Zoe didn’t eat with the seniors, they would just have to work without her.

Work?

Was their entire relationship as a group really just because they started a project together? After all, it did make up most of their conversation. Was that it? What happens if it ended for some reason? Would they no longer be friends? Would Connor have to talk to his pet rock?

“Alana had a student council meeting a sec ago, said she’d come back pretty soon.” He shrugged. “Dunno where Connor went. Lunch detention? Texas? The Gay Agenda meeting?”

“I-I thought you were gay…?” Jared coming out of a closet was a huge thing for his family, so of course, Evan was involved too. Dragged along by his mother. Had a come-out party with a bunch of rainbow decorations all at the expense of Jared’s pride. It was honestly worth it, to see 11th grade-Jared actually hide in his closet after coming out.

“Yes, which is why I’d be offended that they didn’t invite _me_ to the Gay Agenda meeting.” He rolled his eyes, then spotted an all-too-familiar haircut. “Aaaaaaand there’s Con Con! Welcome to the LGBT community, My Chemical Romance.”

The boy stood in front of their table, his arms draping at the end of his side as his hair fell messily into his eye and all around his neck. The outfit was the usual- Black skinny jeans with his trademark black hoodie, but with a small rainbow pin on it, placed right over where his left boob is. Man-boob. … Nipple.

“Shut up. Mom’s just overreacting.” He spat, throwing his lunch bag on the table and starting to dig through it.

“S-So where were you?” Evan asked, scanning his lunch- A red thermometer with probably chicken noodle soup in it, a soda (that miraculously didn’t explode when he opened it- Evan winced when he even heard the sound of the soda opening.) and some random snacks that included fruits and milky way bars. And skittles. Connor glared at the skittles.

“‘Parently the guidance counselor saw my mom’s post,” He started, taking a spoonful of the soup and shoving it in his mouth rather forcefully, for no reason other to be much more extra than he had to be, “Called Zo and I in to discuss that we were in a ‘safe environment’ and then gave us these pins.” His voice went all high and sarcastic during ‘safe environment’, making fun of the stupid support ideals that Mrs Baker had.

“Also wanted me to join the LGBT club. Hey, Jared, you’re gay, come with me.”

“No thanks, mate-o.” Jared finger gunned back, then continued looking at his phone.

“Did- Did you see, uh, Alana in the halls?”

“Yeah, she had to deliver copies or something to Ms Rice. Said she’ll be here in like five. It’s been five.”

And on queue, the beautiful, lovely, lovely lady sat down with them, carrying her adorable purple lunch bag (which differed quite a lot from Connor’s crappy paper brown bag) and opening her own lunch- Containers of fruits, salad and a Capri sun.

“How are you all doing today? Are you and Jared buying lunch? I think you guys can go up now.” The two lunchless children shook their heads.

“I’m fine, thank you so very much you gracious and ravishing beauty, but Evan messed up typing in his ID number yesterday so he won’t buy his lunch with me. I, on the other hand, am immune to hunger.” Jared half-jokingly said, pulling out his laptop to look at the inbox.

Alana frowned. “I can go up with you if you want to get something,” Speaking to both Evan and Jared. Connor blinked, tossing the skittles bag to their side. “Have those,” He mumbled. “I hate skittles.”

“T-Thanks, Alana, but I’m used to not eating.” Evan smiled lightly. Realising his mistake, of course, he tried to fix his flaws. “I- I don’t starve myself or anything I just... Don’t eat dinner sometimes, uh,”

“Come to my house or something. Mom would love to know that I actually have friends that want to eat her food.”

“I couldn’t.” Jared tried to speak up, but for once, was cut off by Evan. Impossible. If Evan can interrupt Jared, all Cryptids are real.

“Hey, hey guys,” He finally said, “You’re ignoring me. Give me attention.”

“Sorry, Jared!” Alana and Evan chimed, but Connor just rolled his eyes.

“Let’s just do the stupid inbox thing together. Not like I have time to do it myself.”

“Are you kidding or are you actually serious? I can’t tell, you’re voice sounds the same either way.” Was Jared’s response.

“No, can’t go on my laptop without Zoe being there to helicopter-parent me if my parents are gone. Happens when you go to the hospital at least 4 times a year. What did you do? Stay mentally stable?”

“Ah, well,” The girl chirped, grabbing Jared’s laptop and seeing if there’s anything to take the topic off of their own troubles. “There’s this person named Jeremy, they said, who says that they want to get recognition and be more chill. They’re struggling to get by in school and is contemplating changing how they are currently to fit in. Thoughts?”

The four sat together, coming up with their own solutions and giving their own advice- then Alana decided what was the most logical way to respond and the pattern was started. She’d read out problems and they’d all solve them together. A little lonely without Zoe, but they’d get by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so if you're ever bored check out this movie (its on netflix) called The Way He Looks  
> it's super gay  
> and the main character is gay and blind  
> it's in a dif language than english (can't remember what,,, sounded like italian but im not sure?)  
> it's really,,,,,,, really soft ok


	16. sweet sixteen y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, AO3, it is NOT may 4th you fucker

Connor was sitting in the library, nose shoved in a book, reading it intently as time passed by during lunch period. Not eating was a small price to pay to do something he much rather would do- curled up in one of their beanbags in the corner with a book he picked out. Of course, lunch period isn’t eternal.

He closed the book and got up to return it to the shelf where it belonged- He knew he was too irresponsible to  _ actually _ check it out and give it back, when a familiar face peered through the bookcase, looking up at Connor with wide eyes.

“Evan?”

He jumped, shuffling to nod before realizing that the other probably couldn’t see. “Y-Yeah, I’m, uh, here.”

The taller boy walked over to the side Evan was on, squeezing the book between his arm and side to get another free hand. “You... ok?”

He nodded in response, a bit flustered. “Mhm. Just didn’t think I’d see you here.”

“Being in the hospital so much kinda just got me into books, I guess. Do you, uh, need help with anything?”

Evan hadn’t actually needed anything. He was printing out a letter for Dr Sherman when he spotted Connor and tried to investigate. “Uh, could you help me pick out a book... Or something?”

Connor stretched out his free, non-book holding arm, to grab a novel with a blue cover on it. He looked uncertain, pushing it back into its place and grabbing one on the side, but the same unsatisfactory look sat on his face. “You like trees, right?” He asked, choosing another book but messing up. They were so tightly placed together that it had brought out others with it, falling from the high shelf they were sitting on. Falling on Evan. And Connor.

“Shit,” He breathed, going down to pick up the fallen foes until he felt something bump his forehead. It was Evan’s forehead. They had bumped heads. They both awkwardly sat in their crouched positions, staring into each other's optics as Connor shuffled the books together and grabbed them, trying his hardest to reorganise them into the right order.

It was quiet. Like, painfully quiet.

“Hey do you want to skip or something?” Connor blurted out, not knowing what to say. That’s so stupid. Evan would never skip. Or hang out with a loser like him.

“I… Uh, sure, I guess,” Came the unexpected response.

* * *

That was how they got into Connor’s car- Well, Zoe’s- and drove down to get A La Mode again. For the second time. Was this also a date? Was the first one even considered a date?

“Uh, you, er, work at a tattoo salon… Do you have a tattoo?” Evan asked, attempting at a conversation. This was stupid. Not everyone who worked at a tattoo shop had a tattoo! That’s like asking someone who worked at a flower shop if they had a garden. Evan doesn’t even have a backyard that’s good enough for gardening!

“Yeah,” Woah. Badass.

“Wait, really? Your parents let you?”

“Nah, I just asked one of my co’s and they said sure.” The truth came out. He honestly did just ask an old worker, who quit recently because she moved out to live with her fiance, named Avery to give him a small tattoo. She agreed because she believed that “All good men deserve tattoos.” Connor asked if he was qualified to be a ‘Good Man’. She replied with “You’re a fetus. A good fetus.”

“...What is it?”

“It’s lame, you wouldn’t like it.”

“I-I won’t laugh or anything!” Evan swore, turning a little red because he’s asking to  _ see his body and ‘oh my god are we going to bang after this???? We’re not even together and I don’t even know if I like him-’ _

“Sure, I guess.” Connor shrugged, staring blankly at the road. “We can go to the orchard or something and I’ll show you.”

* * *

He did as he promised, at least. Pulling off his sweatshirt and tee and throwing it on the grass, he sat down, criss-cross-applesauce style shirtless. Shirtless. And really, really good looking.

Connor Murphy is hotter than the fucking sun.

He pointed to the upper side of his torso, just below his under arm to a pale patch of skin. There sat a small, cartoonish and simple kitten. It was cute. Adorable. 10/10, cleared Evan’s acne for the next few days.

“It’s…” He started, moving closer to get a better look. Did Connor Murphy shave his armpits? Really? Incredible. Fascinating. This pressured Evan to also shave his own under arms the next time he showered.

“Stupid, I know.”

“No, I love it. This is my favourite thing ever.” Evan looked up at Connor with dead serious eyes, determined to give the most satisfactory answer in the world.

“What? Why? It’s just a weird cat thing.”

“I’m in love with it- If it existed in real life I would adopt it.”

“Please don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nice and short because i procrastinated. Love you, ara, if ur reading this, thanks for the Idea(TM) for the book thing u fuckturd
> 
> also!! i'll be wrapping this fanfic up pretty soon! at chapter 20 I'll say. No epilogue, just softness. Maybe.
> 
> maybe
> 
> but I'll be doing another fanfic after for DEH so don't,,,, whatever u were gonna do. celebrate? yeah me too tbh i'd pay myself to stop writing


	17. v soft i'd say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw warnings for,,, abuse? I'd say? nothing like beating, just parents not knowing how to parent

It had all happened really, really fast. 

Barely enough time for Connor to process thinking about it.

It’s been a month since the You Will Be Found club has started and the squad has done more than perfectly with it. Answering questions, making videos- They thought of starting a fundraiser to open the orchard again, but despite the support from their fans, Alana decided it was best not to.

There were a few rocky bumps. Like Evan and Jared’s relationship. It happened late may and neither of them fully recovered from the fight they’d had, and neither would talk about it. They said there was nothing to talk about.

It felt like there was.

 

* * *

 

“Y-Y’know, Jared, you can’t just… Keep doing whatever. Can you try a little more on the project?” Evan said rather loudly as they both raised their voices. They met each other in the hall before school started, and everything was fine until Jared mentioned that “Evan and Alana had everything in control, I guess.”

“‘Can you try a little more on the project?’,” Jared imitated. “Well I’ve been wanting too but- Oh, what’d you say to me a little bit ago? Hm, that you don’t need me anymore?”

“That’s not what I said.” He began, but he was cut off.

“Sure sounded like it.”

“Well, it’s not even that you seem interested! Y-You always talk about how you’re going to meet with your ‘real friends’! I thought we were your real friends.”

“Real friends? You would be if you mmm, tried listening to me once or twice?”

“Yeah- Yeah, cause I’m your family friend who you only hang out with because you want your parents to pay for your car insurance, and it doesn’t even matter if you’re nice to me because you know I’m too afraid to say that you aren’t!” Evan, for once, poured his anger into his words, something he’d been avoiding for so, so long. “Well, y-you can go kiss your car insurance goodbye, I guess, ‘cause I’m not going to hang out with someone who doesn’t actually even like me!”

“I- I never said I didn’t like you. I’m even pretty sure it’s quite the opposite here.”

The two exchanged heated words until the bell rung, avoiding each other for the rest of the day. Jared was supposed to drive Evan home. Evan left with Connor and Zoe, instead.

And he did the same the next morning. And afternoon. Until it’s been implanted into their routine and Evan never had to face Jared again ‘till lunch, where he’d look away from Jared and pretend he’s not there. Jared did that to him for the last 5 years, why not do it to him for the last school year they had together?

 

* * *

 

 

“So… we’re just not going to talk?” Zoe asked, shoved in a car with the rest of her senior friends. It was awfully tense with the fighting boys in the vehicle, Jared giving glares to the other while Evan slunk down into the shotgun seat, looking up at Connor, who was once again driving, with big, guilty eyes.

“I guess not,” Alana mumbled, leaning on the cold window. She was the most disappointed out of the group to hear them fight- Now most of the work was on Alana. Zoe had more band practice than ever during the end of the year, Connor was sent to the hospital again for a few days and even then, he just doesn’t do his part, and Evan’s too busy worrying about Connor and doing whatever the hell. Then Jared just… Refuses to do it.

Which leaves her.

To do everything alone.

Just like how she usually is.

“Y’know, I wish you two would actually start participating.”

 

Shit. It slipped out.

 

“You… two?” Zoe asked, sweating a bit anxiously.

“Not... you, I guess.” She looked at Jared, who was preparing his own argument immediately.

“Me? Thought you didn’t want me to.”

“Here we go again…” Evan breathed, almost even rolling his eyes.

“Well, you’re not innocent, Hansen!” He winced when his last name was used. “You and Murphy number 1 are too busy making out to do anything either!”

“We’re not even-” The boy began, but closed his mouth before anything else could be said. He wasn’t even turning around to see Jared’s face. He just wanted this to  _ stop _ .

“And Connor hasn’t responded to anything in like a fucking week!”

“ _ Connor _ isn’t as stable as some of us appear. He’s been in the hospital and he has his own struggles, too!” Alana defended him, aggressively turning to Jared.

“What if I have my own struggles? Does that suddenly change anything? ‘You’re not participating, Jared!’ I made the fucking website, for god’s sake!”

Zoe came to his rescue. “He has a point, guys. I might not be the best at managing time but you’re not giving him the credit he deserves. We can’t excuse Connor when he’s just been lying in his room most of the time-”

The car swerved to the side of the road, suddenly, and everybody was silenced. The driver’s hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white and he whipped his head around.

“Maybe if you want me to do shit, you help me get me back my fucking laptop. Maybe the next time I get hospitalized, you tell mom and dad that, yeah,  _ I do need those fucking meds. _ Maybe the next time dad shits on me for how I’m ‘not being a man’ and that I’m ‘acting like a five-year-old’, you actually stand up for me, because the only reason I’m hanging with Evan so much is because I have nothing else to do!”

The quiet continued.

Until a shift in Connor’s expression signalled that he realized what he fucked up and slowly went from Zoe’s shocked face to trying his hardest to look at Evan’s.

Evan’s face was red and he was biting his lip, staring forward and shaking ever so slightly.

_ ‘Shit.’ _

He turned around, back to looking at the road.

  
“I’ll just… Drive you guys home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly see the Murphy parents as parents who just don't know how to handle anything. They don't know how to care for their son, and so their son just has to suffer, sadly.
> 
> if ur wondering, they were driving back from the mall- Alana thought it was a Good Idea to have them all car pool bc they had a similar schedule that day


	18. holy shit. holy fucking shit.

Evan Hansen knew what it was like to be disliked. To be hated, thrown around, and treated unwelcomingly. He knew what it was like to be in the presence of someone who, despite how they acted around him, never truly enjoyed him as a person. So why didn’t he expect Connor as an obvious culprit? Evan must’ve been blind not to see this outcome from a mile away.

Which might explain why it hurt so, so much when the curtain was pulled. 

He was the first to be dropped off, probably because  _ nobody likes Evan Hansen and everyone would be happier without him _ , and that his house was also closest. He could hear the car leaving once he started walking to the side door, mind racing about how he  _ should’ve predicted this outcome _ and that he was a  _ fool to even think that anyone would ever like him. _

“Honey? You’re home a bit early,” Fuck. Heidi was home. He’d almost forgot. His mother turned away from her laptop to look at her son, her smile quickly sinking into a frown when she saw the poor kid. “What happened, Ev?” She motioned Evan to sit with her on the couch, hugging him to protect him from any harm. 

“I-It’s nothing,” He started, but unfortunately it came out as a sob, followed by the release of a storm of tears that wet Heidi’s sweater, which made him bawl more at the thought of being  _ gross _ because Evan was an  _ ugly crier _ and Heidi didn’t need this in her life.

His mom held him for a moment that felt like an eternity until Evan decided it was enough and broke apart from the embrace. His face was still red and a stray tear would run down his cheek every so often, but the big outburst was over with. 

“Baby, did something happen?” Heidi reached for his hand, trying to keep eye contact with Evan despite him trying to avoid it.

Lying out of this would be hard. So would be telling the truth. Evan gave a simplified version of the true story. One not quite as detailed or highlighting on every aspect leading up to the final, messy, shitty product, but still  _ an answer _ which was good enough for her.

“No one likes me anymore,” He admitted, trying to gather himself up to sit on the couch properly- The boy was half on the sofa and half off, with his body sprawled out uncomfortably and his legs just lying on the ground. 

“Well,  _ I _ like you. Did you have a fight?” Evan nodded. “Mm… Mind telling me what your friends said to you?” Evan shook his head this time and tried to explain the best he could.

“Jared-” 

“Jared?”

“Y-yeah, I, uh, said he wasn’t really contributing to the project,”

“The… You Will Be Found Project? The one you’ve been working on recently?”

“Mhm. And I guess he just took stuff I said the wrong way and now he won’t talk to me.” 

“Is it really all Jared? Are you sure it wasn’t partially your fault, too?”

“Well… I-I guess I was pushy to him. He just never really was that nice to me. Then there’s Connor-”

“The Murphy boy you hang out with a lot?”

“Yes, mom, Connor had a, uh, fight with his sister and he said,” Evan choked on the words. “He said that he only really talked to me because he has nothing else to do.”

Another hug ensued, and with a pat on the back, Heidi looked at her son, who was a bit calmer, and gave the best answer she could muster up. “Well, I’m proud of you for making friends in the first place, even if things might’ve not gone so nicely. Are you sure you don’t want to talk it out with them? At least see if you can fix things up with one of the two, it’ll really help you in the long run.”

Evan made a promise to his mom to try. Try was all he had to do.

 

* * *

 

“Great, now you fucked shit up.” Zoe stormed into the house after unlocking the door, followed by a very frustrated Connor.

“Wouldn’t have happened if you were a better sister,” He exclaimed, raising his hands in the air to accentuate his feelings.

“I’d be a better sister if you’d have been a better brother,” She shot back.

“Well, I guess we could all probably be better if we were a better family.” He clenched his fists and aggressively thought of punching the wall. Thought of. Better not make that mistake again. “And now Evan thinks I hate him! My fucking  _ crush _ thinks I  _ hate _ him!”

“No shit, sherlock. He looked like he was going to cry.” 

“Not helping, Zo.” And with that, he threw his knotty hair into a quick ponytail, grabbed his phone in his pocket and dashed upstairs.

_ ‘Please pick up, please pick up, pleasepickup, pleasepleasepleaseplease p l e a s e.’  _ Connor prayed, choosing Evan’s contact and jumping into bed, slamming the door behind him. 

“H-hi this is, uh, Evan Hansen, I guess I’m not here right now so leave a message if you have to-” His voice was cut off, which meant that Evan, adorably, didn’t record his message correctly and ran out of time. After the beep, Connor talked quickly into his phone.

“Hey Ev, it’s me, please pick up, I have to talk to you.” 

He also shot Evan a text to make sure he got it.

It was left off on the Read sign.

 

* * *

 

Connor left a few more messages in Evan’s inbox, but only when he didn’t appear in 2nd-period class with him got Evan’s attention (Heidi drove Evan to school that morning). He asked Zoe in the hallways where he was, and Zoe scoffed, mumbling about how he was “Probably skipping. That jackass.”

That’s when Evan responded to the texts and called Connor’s phone during lunch when he sat in the bathroom stall, having a panic attack because  _ anything  _ could happen to Connor and he was so unpredictable and why did no one else care about him?

Even Alana just said that he was most likely skipping class again, saying it with a shrug.

But a feeling in his gut would not let Evan live with that explanation. Once the school bell rung, he walked over to the Murphy’s at a brisk pace, until Zoe rolled down her window and looked over at Evan.

“Get in.” She said, stopping and unlocking the door to the passenger seat, and he slid in.

Apparently, Connor didn’t take their car. And apparently, when Connor skips without taking the car, it means something probably happened to him.

Cynthia was at home all day, so Connor couldn’t be there. Instead, they both drove down to the next best place to be, the orchard. The ride was nothing like any car ride he’s been in before- No talking, but it wasn’t tense. No happy, comfortable feeling, just the feeling of dread and assumptions. Assuming the worst.

Finally, when they arrived, he quickly made his way over to the entrance, Zoe saying she’d stay out there just in case Connor was leaving while Evan was inside the orchard, and slid under the broken fence.

It took a while to walk across the old fields, which took on a new aura of fear, no longer having a calming feeling, but one of anxiety. The anxiety that was haunting Evan as he wandered the orchard, a sense of worry washing over him. But then something caught his eyes. A tall, lean silhouette crouched down, it’s head cocking to the side.

 

_ Connor! _

 

It had to be.

And it was.

So Evan ran to him, stumbling a bit on the rocky, unkempt paths as he neared Connor who was sitting on the yellow grass, pulling them boredly as he turned to see whatever sound was being made behind him.

“Connor!” He yelled, tripping a bit before finally reaching him, pulling him into a tight hug. “You worried me,”

“Why? Thought you hated me,” Connor sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m… Really sorry for saying that in the car. I just get heated and soon enough I’m yelling about something that I don’t even think about.”

“I don’t- I don’t hate you, Connor. I was just scared that you did. That you actually just talked to me because you felt sorry for me or something,” He was still holding the taller boy, his face leaning against Connor’s chest.

They sat there together for a minute in silence, enjoying each other’s touch and company.

Evan smelled nice. Was that weird? Well, he did. Like fresh flowers, which makes sense, since he worked at a flower shop all the time. Specifically a lilac-y scent, but it was mostly just a bunch of different aromas that Connor couldn’t quite put a finger on. Evan probably had to smell the trace of tobacco from his last cigarette smoke. Technically, it wasn’t a real cigarette- one of those electronic ones that his parents forced onto him, and if he touched a real one his parents could tell and would ground him again.

And once they broke apart, the two walked back to the entrance, greeted by a relieved Zoe who quickly turned harsh on Connor for “Making me worried about you, asshole.”

They drove back home listening to Panic! At the Disco and having a weird sing-along and/or lip sync battle. That was two days before Avery Carter’s 12th grade (and some 11th graders) end of the year party. Or you know. Kegger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can only think of connor just walking down to the orchard for an hour or two lmaooo just sweating bc it's really hot and he always wears black, he's like "what the FUCK weather let me angst"


	19. Big Fun (big fun)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: underaged drinking (at least in america idk man)

Evan had no idea what he was getting into. Suddenly he was at some girl’s house where teens were playing loud, obnoxious music and dancing with party lights on a dance floor. Avery Carter was a popular girl, one could say, but despite that, she always made an effort to notice the invisible kids. Which is why the out of place boy stood by the drinks table, surrounded by other people who had never even dared to talk to Evan before, actually paying attention to him and trying to get him to down some jello shots.

They were drunk, which would explain a lot, but it felt nice to be recognized. So he made the bold decision to try the shots, underestimating the kick that they had. There was definitely vodka in there.

Soon 1 became 2, then 3 and 4. He started feeling tipsy after someone handed him a red solo cup with some mixed fruit drink in it and he instinctively chugged it. Evan’s face was flushed and he acted on impulse, drunk but feeling great.

“Didn’t think _you’d_ be here, Hansen,” came the voice of Jared Kleinman, who took a sip from his own cup and tried to stifle laughter when he saw Evan’s state. He appeared from the shadows in the hallway connecting the living room and kitchen together, back against the wall.

“Had to come.” He smiled, words slurring at some points as he dragged his own body to stand next to him, leaning on the wall. Evan chuckled, giving his cup to some passerby who just put it down on the kitchen table.

“Isn’t this your like… First kegger? Wow. Big steps, pal.” The tone was obviously more menacing, laced with venom, almost, but it passed by the other’s head, who simply squinted his eyes and tried to study Jared’s face.

“Are you… Also drunk?”

“Yep.” Another sip. Jared was also a bit red and the fact that they were actually talking to each other meant something was up.

“You’re so short,” Evan commented, and they both laughed at his stupid snort that he made after giggling.

“Oh-ho-hooooo,” He smiled wider when he turned his head to see a certain tallass beanpole approaching awkwardly, pushing his way through the crowd of teens. “It’s the one and only Connnnnnoorrrrr Murrrrrrphyyyy!” Jared dragged out his name to make a dramatic entrance for the boy.

“Oh, hi Jared.” His attention snapped to the announcer, then spotted Evan. “Hey. Are you two…?” The latter nodded confidently. Confirmation that he was drunk: Evan is never confident.

“Ev, you should probably go home,” Connor turned to him. “C’mon, I’ll drive you,”

“Noooo, stay here! It’s fun~” Trying to look to Jared for backup, he noticed that he slipped away, doing god knows what with whomever.

“No, you are drunk and you can get into trouble. If I stay, I’ll get drunk. And we both know we’re trying to stop me from doing that stuff again.” He spoke with a firm yet soft voice, trying to avoid using the words ‘addiction’ that could possibly alarm him. It wasn’t working, though, and Evan refused again, but quieter.

So they maneuvered their way through the large house and onto the front lawn where items were scattered all over grass- Condoms, flasks, popped balloons, makeup kits, etc.- And a few couples were making out (or trying to) on the porch or on the lawn, one person on top of their lover.

“Hey, Con?”

“Yeah?” Evan was grasping Connor’s arm as they walked down the sidewalk, making this probably the closest he’s been with his crush, second only to their hug, of course. Connor pulled out his keys with his free hand to unlock the car they stopped in front of.

“Why’d you come?” He was being helped into the passenger seat, since being drunk didn’t help his balance at all, and Connor paused, trying to think of the right answer.

“...Alana said she saw you coming here and she asked me to pick you up because she was concerned for you.” He responded, looking straight at the blue eyes of the other.

“Oh,” Evan could feel the taller boy’s breath, staggering for just a moment until regaining it’s constant pattern. Their faces were close together, and he could see every detail of Connor’s face: the faded, washed out navy colour of his optics, the pale and almost lifeless skin with dark circles under his eyes, and chapped lips that had been mistreated on accident and desperately needed chapstick. His hair had been pulled into a small bun at the back of his head, leaving his face uncovered.

It seemed so cliche, to kiss in the night, the only visible light being from the moon and Connor’s car. But the gap closed between them and, while messy, it was an incredible kiss. A trace of alcohol lingered in Evan’s mouth as Connor’s heart sunk in realization and he pulled away, quickly standing straight up and slamming the door to get in on his side.

They drove to Evan’s house, where the driveway was empty so the two slipped in, deciding to have Connor stay the night so that he didn’t have to drive alone in the dark.

“Do you have Netflix or something?” Connor asked, prodding Evan, who was sitting on the living room couch. He nodded lazily, looking up to turn on the TV and then handing the remote to the sober boy.

They quickly decided to watch the series that appeared first on the recommended category after Evan told Connor where the spare blankets were so that he could grab one for the both of them. It was white and soft, and they were both comfortable in the matter of seconds, cuddling together while watching some strange Netflix show.

Evan dozed off easily while Connor stayed up for a few more episodes, enjoying the comfort of his crush resting his head on his shoulder as he slept. But before long, he too was asleep, despite him falling asleep at2:35 AM.

Heidi arrived home the next morning, shocked that her son had actually gone to the party and brought someone home, and it took a quite a while for Evan to wake up after.

 

* * *

 

 

“Honey,” Heidi nudged her sleeping son, who was now on his side, missing a certain someone. “Time to wake up, you have to go to work in half an hour.”

Evan stirred, blinking, but then he covered his eyes, blinded by the sudden light from the window. The thought of work? Terrible. Horrible. No-good. Very bad.

“I don’t want to go… W-Where’s-”

“Connor? He woke up a few hours ago because he had to leave. He’s really polite, I’m so glad you have a friend like that.” She smiled lightly.

“C-Can I, uh,” His heart raced as he said the words, “Not go to work today?”

“Why not?”

 _‘Tell the truth, Evan.’_ “I… I think I’m hungover.”

The mother frown. Oh, how terrible. The look of ‘I’m not mad, just really disappointed in you.’, where she really is not mad, and it hurts so, so much.

“Did you kids drink at the party?” A nod from Evan. Heidi got up from her crouched position and patted his shoulder. “Alright, then. I’ll call you in, and I’ll… I’ll fix you up a hangover cure, ok? You can sleep, again.”

 

* * *

 

June 10th, 3:45 PM

Alana Beck: Heard you’re not coming in today :(

Were you at Avery’s party?

Evan Hansen: Yeah.

Alana Beck: Connor picked you up, right? Please tell me he did before the incident happened.

Evan Hansen: I don’t think we were there for the incident… what are you talking about?

Alana Beck: I don’t like to spread rumours, but someone got hurt and the police showed up right away…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah what is alcohol sorry im 2
> 
> in other news: almost last chapter!!! maybe?? chap 21 might happen if i get Unsatisfied with the ending 
> 
> fyi,,,,, jared and evan's relationship will be rocky, bc in the musical they never resolve anything,, ,, , , ,, , , ,, , ,, , , , , ,, , im really sad abt that still
> 
> EDIT: Beta edited this chapter! <3
> 
> EDIT AGAIN: chap 20's coming out in a bit- laptop won't let me load stuff and it's also getting long.


	20. i cant believe this isnt the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? actually updating? holy shit what kind of bizarre idea

Apparently, someone got into a fight. Apparently, they ended up knocked out on the ground, bleeding from cuts and wounds all over their body. 

Apparently, the person was Jared Kleinman.

“Holy shit.” Evan whispered, staring at his phone in disbelief. 

June 10th, 3:49 PM

Evan Hansen: Is he ok?????????? Who hurt him?????

Alana Beck: Dustin Kropp told me it was some kid named Ram. He’s supposedly in college right now, the community college, and he was jailed.  
Jared got really, really hurt. I don’t know what exactly happened to him, but he had to go to the emergency room.  
They were both pretty drunk, I think.

Evan Hansen: thanks alana i’ll see you tomorrow 

He shut off his phone, biting his lip worriedly as he tapped on it, restlessly trying to think of a way to get his mom to take him to the hospital. She’d probably say no or ask if he wanted to go to work, then, which Evan certainly didn’t want, and despite being in a constant fight with Jared, he’s still  _ Jared. _

“Mom,” Evan called from upstairs, grabbing the mug on the side of his bed. 

“Yeah, Ev?” 

“C-Can you, uh, take me to, to the hospital?”

His mom crashed into his room quickly. “What happened? Are you ok?”

“No, I- I’m fine, mom. I just want to see someone there.”

“Who?”

“A friend. I-I’m working on a project with him in french.” He lied, gripping the cup tighter.

“Did anything happen to him?"

“No, I mean, yeah. He... broke his foot a few nights ago. Could you just drop me off at James Mercy hospital?” 

“And you couldn’t go to work, why?” 

“I-I just want to check up on him, it’ll only take a second!” He promised, placing the cup onto his bedside stand. 

“Alright. I’ll take you.” Heidi gave in.

 

* * *

 

 

After asking for Jared’s room and having to tell his name and information, Evan successfully managed to get passed everybody without panicking. He slipped into Jared’s hospital room, only to be greeted by a slightly cramped, white room with a bed in it, and laying helplessly on the bed, the superstar himself.

“Hey,” Evan asked, keeping his tone town and taking a few steps towards the boy.

“Hey,” He replied, trying to keep a monotone voice as best as he could.

“So-”

“If you’re here to know about the fire, I was out of that house right before it started, bud.” 

“Wh- Fire?”

“Yeah, some guy got high or something and set a fire to the house. Burnt it DOWN. Crazy party.” 

“Jesus- No, I’m here for you. W-Wh-”

“Kinda broken upper arm, minor concussion and twisted ankle.” Jared said, rather proudly. “Guy could barely break me.” 

“And?”

“His name was indeed Ram.” He nodded, confirming the culprit. “He was huuuuuuge.”

“No, I-I mean, what were you fighting about?” Jared’s face fell.

“Oh.”

“O-Oh?” 

“You know you should probably go, nice seeing you, bye.” 

“What was it?” Evan pressed, leaning in closer to directly see his face. Jared left out a few key aspects of his injury- He clearly had a black eye and what looked like a bloody nose, but it was all dried up and not cleaned properly. Maybe even a broken nose, if he didn’t know any better.

“Evan Hansen, it is rude to pry.” 

“I won’t tell anyone!” It almost sounded like they were in 5th grade talking about crushes or some secret. 

Jared exhaled, rolling his eyes and feeling a slight warmth on his cheeks. Evan clearly wouldn’t give up and was acting stubborn for such a pushover.

“He said shit about you.” Came a small mumble.

“What?”

“I said,” His voice was raised, bitterly. “He talked shit about you, ok?”

Evan’s heart raced.  _ He did care. _

“Listen, I know this sounds  _ lame, _ but… I treated you like shit. ‘Cause, let’s be honest, you really were my only friend. Kinda just didn’t want you to know that. So…” He started, trailing off.

“When I told you that we were fine on our own, you thought that meant I didn’t need you anymore?” Jared nodded at Evan’s continuation.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Sorry, too.”

“...S-See you at lunch when you come back?”

“Sure, dude.”

 

* * *

 

 

A week later and it was the last five days of school. Evan was extremely thankful to get a scholarship from winning a few essay contests Heidi encouraged him to do- Maybe Evan was as good of a writer as his mom boasted about- and got into a college in New York which was an hour away. Alana said she’d gotten an acceptance letter from a school out in Pennsylvania and was preparing for the graduation speech. Jared announced that he was taking a gap year but the next day blew up their phones about how he’d gotten into his dream college, also in New York, and Connor remained a mystery. 

He avoided everyone’s questions like the plague and cheered his successful friends on from the background. Other than that small problem, everything was going great at the time.

 

 

* * *

 

June 19th, 5:40 PM

Co: u probs have work but can i crash at your place tonight

Van: ? sure ig? Why?

Co: parents are being assholes

Van: ok :( i dont have anything tonight, you can come over if u want

Co: already on my way

He wasn’t lying. In less than ten minutes, Connor’s car was parked right outside of Evan’s house and the lanky boy was slithering out of it before grabbing a backpack from the passenger’s seat. He seemed frustrated, walking a brisk pace while clutching his bag by the loop on the end, and nearly kicked open Evan’s door, frightening him when a large noise exploded from the side only to find the boy with messy hair and brows furrowed. 

“A-Are you ok?” Evan asked, approaching the guest.

Connor was visibly upset, if it wasn’t obvious enough, and trying to not seem like a  _ fucking weirdo, _ he tried to calm himself down with a few deep breaths.

“No.”

“Oh. Sorry,”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head, pressing his lips together and sighed. “It’s nothing. Got pissed at my dad, had an episode basically and after a fight, I ran off.”

“An episode?”

“That’s what I think it is. I kinda just act irrationally. Usually, they occur when I get high or something. Don’t really have anything to treat it so I don’t even know if it’s my fault.” Connor shrugged, trying to sound like it was nothing. ‘Cause as far as he was concerned, it was nothing. At least, in front of Evan, it’s nothing. 

“Oh.” Evan didn’t know what to say. Words fail, sometimes. It was just hard. Do you say sorry? He didn’t do anything. That’d be like saying sorry to a blind person for being blind. Evan was pretty sure that that’s ableist. 

“...D-Do you want to order anything to eat?”

“Sure.”

The two ended up deciding on Domino’s pizza- Connor said “If I’m gonna be a rebel, might as well rebel against my mom’s diet thing,”- and sat on the couch, curled up in blankets and watching bad Disney movies on Netflix. And High School musical 1 and 2. 

“You have Netflix and you’ve never watched High School Musical? What the fuck kind of life do you live. We’re doing that right now.” The taller of the boys bantered, grabbing the remote to find the movie. 

 

It only took until the end of the movie for Evan to make his judgment on it. “That’s… That’s a terrible movie.” 

 

“Exactly, which is why we’re going to be watching the second one.” He laughed, turning to Evan with a smile on his face.

The boy’s smile is surreal. It was subtle and perfect, and real. A wonderful yet rare sight. It’s light and his lips parted a tiny bit to reveal his teeth until Connor hid them, covering his mouth with his hand as he tried to hide the imperfections that he didn’t have. Whenever Connor smiled, his eyes would light up with joy, flickering with an innocence that filled the empty optics that had been drained of happiness years ago when he moved from his childhood to adult life. A part of Evan wanted to stay like this for forever, being the star in someone else’s life and them being his. Being the reason that bliss was brought to someone by just being himself. To be good enough to keep someone happy.

Evan knew he kissed  _ someone _ the night of the party. His first, real, romantic kiss. Would it count as a romantic kiss if he was drunk? Perhaps not. But it felt really, really nice. He just couldn’t put a finger on who it was and when. It was later in the night- Before he got home, maybe sometime later at the party or someone outside. He kinda hoped it was Connor. But if it was, then it’d be worse. Because whomever he kissed pulled away. Probably since Evan’s  _ a weirdo _ and  _ of course no one would share his feelings _ .

But it was a nice thought.

“Are you- Are you paying attention to what I said?” Connor asked, nudging Evan’s shoulder with his own. “Kinda blanked out there, buddo.” He teased.

“Oh, uh, s-sorry.”  The daydreamer blurted out, feeling his face heating up. God, Evan’s  _ so disrespectful and no wonder no one likes him. _

“I  _ said, _ ” He continued, “That High School Musical 2 has this one pretty gay scene in it. They hide it, of course, ‘cause it’s  _ Disney. _ ”

“Mm,” Evan laid his head on Connor’s left shoulder. “Something to relate to,” He immediately regretted speaking. No, living. The other tried to stifle his laughter, until giving up and letting it out loudly.

“Oh damn, wish I came out that smoothly.” 

“I- I wasn’t, psh, whooo me? Hah, I have no- No idea what y-y-you’re talking about.”

“What are you hiding from, Jesus? Does your mom have cameras inside the house? God, I’m literally the only person here.” 

“Mmmm…” Evan grumbled. A silence followed, both awkwardly staring at the TV, waiting for each other to say something.

“So are you…?” Connor started.

“I don’t… Know? Bi, I guess?”

“...Cool.”

“Y’know,”

“Yeah?”   
  
“I’m kinda bi…”   
  
“You said that,”   
  
“...For you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually wrote this like twice tbh
> 
> isaiujnkewds
> 
> yes btw we r having a chap 21 if ur confused
> 
>  
> 
> oh yeah and also everyone on the last chap was like "haha heathers references" when the only intentional ref was actually just the title lmaooooooooooooooo
> 
> (btw in this canon, the ram in this story is unrelated to heather's ram, since in this au ram+kurt and heather c are dead and have been dead for like a decade or two)  
> (dustin kropp and rich are totally going to a dif school like a town over tho)


	21. It's still not done wow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this im posting one more chapter bc,,,, i just really wanna keep updating this ok,,  
> so i guess we have 22 chapters in this?? maybe in a few weeks i'll revive this again for a oneshot idk

“Wait, what?” 

“Y-Yeah. It’s stupid just,” Evan shuffled away from Connor a bit, looking to the side with an embarrassed look. “It’s- It’s nothing. Just forget about it.”

“But, but, you like… Me?” Connor asked in disbelief, pointing to himself with eyes wide open, staring at the flustered boy in front of him.

“I guess? Like I kinda… Do? You probably don’t even like me the same way-” While a bit confused at Connor’s shock, Evan couldn’t help but feel anxious-  _ Who wouldn’t be? _

“But, me? Really? You like me? Out of everyone?”

“Mmm… Well… Yeah. Y-you’re really nice to be around and you really. You really get me. And you’re so handsome and it’s like no one notices how  _ good looking _ you are so you also ignore that fact but you’re really, really,” Evan rambled until his voice cracked. “Hot,”

“Uh? Lies? You’re fucking adorable you cutie!” This was said which so much passion in his voice that Connor wasn’t even joking. The other let out a small chuckle, turning to look finally look at Connor again.

“Me?” He smiled, laughing and feeling his face heat up. Connor scooted in until their thighs touched and nodded.

Awkwardly, the Evan spoke up, red and with a small stutter. “C-Can I, uh, should we… Kiss?”

Connor placed his hand to gently caress one of Evan's flushed cheeks, locking eyes for a moment. Evan Hansen, a boy that Connor  _ like-liked _ from the beginning shared the same feelings as him. A cute, nature-loving boy who worked at a small flower shop and was the purest soul anyone has ever seen, had a crush on a messy, edgy kid who ate his lunch in the bathroom by himself for five years up until two months ago. He probably loved Evan more than he could ever love his own family. Admittedly, the bar wasn’t very high, but it was still true. 

Shutting his eyes and slowly leaning in, he closed the gap between them, brushing their lips together in a soft kiss. Evan tensed up at first, but slowly melted, hands traveling up to grab into Connor's hair. Pulling away, Connor smiled and Evan did the same. The smile earned the taller another kiss- Evan crashed his lips onto his, giving a much more passionate and intense embrace, only ending it when both were satisfied. 

By then, Evan, being the smaller of the two, was on top of Connor, who lay back on the couch holding him in his arms. They both had a lovesick smile on their face, just staring at and admiring their loved one for at least a solid minute, until they laughed, Evan resting his head on Connor’s chest. He liked to feel his chest slowly rise and fall as they relaxed, enjoying the warmth and cuddling together. 

“So are we-”

“Do you want to?” 

“I’d like that,” Evan admitted, trying to grab the remote that was placed a little too far away for his arms to reach. Eventually, he sat up straight to get it, typing in ‘HIGH SCHOOL’ and getting the results for the second movie that he  _ ‘had’  _ to see. High School Musical 2. 

But they didn’t get very far into the movie before his mom had to arrive at the scene, back from work and exhausted. The door swung open and as soon as she had walked into the living room, all three of the people there suddenly froze, as though time itself stopped. 

Imagine; You’re a single mother who just got home to find your son on top of another boy. It wasn’t _gross-_ Well, it wasn’t _grosser_ than seeing your son cuddle with a girl, but it still felt… Weird. Because it _is weird_ to walk in on your son doing _anything_ with _anyone_ romantically.

But Heidi couldn’t give fewer shits about the fact that her son liked guys. It’s the 20-fucking-1rst century, guys.

“Mmm, ok, I’ll uh, get going.” Connor slid out from under Evan, grabbing his sweatshirt that he had taken off earlier and adjusting his ponytail so that it wasn’t as loose anymore (admittedly, it kinda bothered Connor a lot. He was just too caught up in kissing his new boyfriend.) “Bye Evan, bye Ms. Hansen,” He quickly said in the You’re-My-Friend’s-Mom-So-I’ll-Talk-To-You-Respectfully tone and neither of the other two moved, minus Heidi giving a small wave good-bye, until the door shut completely.

“Y-You’re home early.”

“No, I’m not, Evan. It’s 9:15, I usually get home this time on Wednesdays, honey.” She laughed a little at his forgetfulness, sitting down beside her son in the very motherly way that most mothers seem to pull off. “So is this like… A new thing?”

“...K-Kinda?”

“Alright, then,” Heidi concluded, leaning in to give Evan a peck on his forehead. “I love you, Ev. You should get to bed soon, I’ll be upstairs."

“That’s- That’s it?” 

“What is?”

“Y-You’re not going to, to freak out or anything?”

“Of course not. Connor’s a nice boy, sweetie. I don’t care if you like guys or girls.” She assured the rather underwhelmed boy. “What, do you want me to post a picture of you with a flag layered over it on my Facebook or something?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Evan could only imagine the embarrassment he’d feel if his mom tried to pull that on him. Soon, Heidi was climbing up the stairs when the front door opened again and Connor made an entrance.

“So I forgot that I have nowhere else to sleep,” The copper-haired boy explained. “And even then, I forgot my bag here.” 

“O-Oh, right. My bed’s a trundle, I’ll go set it up.” Evan scurried upstairs, followed by his friend- Boyfriend? Boyfriend. Followed by his boyfriend and opened the door to his room. Easily pulling out the mattress- Far too easily. Evan is noticeably strong compared to Connor- and setting a pillow on it from his closet, he told him to get ready for the night while he asked his mom about this.

“Mom?” The florist asked, poking his head into his mother’s room to see her laying in bed reading a book. “Connor’s here again. He has to stay the night, is that ok with you?”

Her face lightened with curiosity but quickly changed to a more calm state, putting her book down beside her. “Sure. Does he have stuff to stay over? Is everything good at home for him?”

“Y-Yes and I dunno.” He shrugged. 

“Well, he can stay as long as he’d like. Just make sure you don’t stay up, ok? Gotta get yourself prepared for school! You’re almost done with it!” Evan gave a weak smile before arriving back at his own room, seeing Connor, with his long hair down all dressed in PJs and staring at his phone.

He was wearing some Panic! At the Disco tee-shirt that somehow seemed too big for Connor’s slim figure and blue sweatpants that had the words ‘COLBY COLLEGE’ on the side of them in big, white letters, which sparked a question.

“Are you going to college?” Connor peaked up from his phone.

“What brings that question?”

“Just answer it,” Evan grumbled.

“Takin’ a mental health gap year. And some classes here while I’m staying. But I did get accepted into a college.” Back to scrolling through 4Chan boards.

“And you’re parents think…?”

“Kinda wanted to leave for college this year, actually. But Mom started to think that maybe I should stay another year so I can ‘get better’.”

“Can I ask another question?” Evan climbed into bed, sitting Indian-style.

“Shoot it.”

“A-Actually, I have two.”

“Just say one and then the other,” Connor was getting impatient.

“What, uh, caused your episode?”

Quiet.

“My parents are just really bad at being parents.”

Another pause.

“Intentionally?”

“Nah. They had me right after their marriage and they kinda didn’t think it through. The whole ‘I want a kid’ thing. Had no idea how to raise me. Got a little better for Zoe, but they’re still pretty shitty.”

“And, uh, do you- Do you cut yourself?” Evan’s voice got quieter and he bit his lip, hoping he wasn’t getting  _ too deep. _

There was yet another small pause before Connor responded.

“I guess I started to stop. Started to draw on myself with a pen. But,” He put his phone down and looked up at the ceiling, exhaling deeply. “Been a little rough lately.”

Pretty soon, they were both in a hug, Evan’s arms wrapped around Connor’s stick-like body protectively and even placing a few kisses on his cheek. The taller could feel tears fall from Evan’s eyes and onto his shirt, which made Connor want to cry a bit.

He wasn’t much of a crier. It’s not some masculinity thing, he just  _ didn’t cry. _ But he had to let it all out somehow. Connor Murphy, the big-bad-wolf of the school who had rumours that he abuses his sister and family, that he killed a man and that he didn’t even have feelings, who fucking  _ ate his lunch in the bathroom by himself for five years _ , was silently bawling over Evan Hansen, the small, tree-loving boy’s shoulder, gripping at his blue polo and sobbing uncontrollably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry heidi's my mom now
> 
> give me comments im thirsty
> 
> fyi for those who didn't catch it or just didn't understand, i repeated the 'ate his lunch in the bathroom by himself' thing twice bc its like,, a writing thing ok
> 
> GIVE ME CONNOR WHO DOESNT REALLY CRY A LOT AND CANT COPE ALL TOO WELL BC HE'S A TEEN TRYING HIS HARDEST BUT REACTING IN THE WORST WAY WHICH MAKES EVERYONE ELSE ACT SHITTY TO HIM
> 
> i was originally gonna write a detail abt connor, instead of crying, would just laugh (esp. if they were doing something sad in-class, in front of his peers) bc i do that a lot, but i decided that is a detail for probably jared dont u think


	22. the light at the end of the tunnel tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, after a week of not posting (sorry) I finally finished! Whew!

Graduation came and went very quickly. Connor didn’t pay much attention to it- he was more excited to just  _ leave already _ . All dressed up in a black suit and a red tie, his hair was pulled back into a higher ponytail. With help from Zoe, her older brother got a bit of a makeover- Enough to look better, but not enough to make it noticeable (since their parents would go insane over anything more than concealer and highlighter).

Evan, as usual, looked great. His suit was also pretty plain and a light indigo bow tie sat on his collar. Despite looking so proper, with combed hair and what looked to be new shoes, his blue eyes were filled with anxiety and Evan was stuttering even more on graduation than any other day. He looked out of place, separated from Jared, Alana and Connor and forcefully placed between two people who barely looked at the teen during school and he twiddled his thumbs and bounced his leg until his name was called.

Alana did a nice graduation speech- After all, she was a valedictorian- about the ‘real world’ and while it wasn’t anything very special, it was nice. Simple and clean and perfect. Just like Alana. She wore a beautiful dress, too, which got her quite some attention- It was a royal blue with lighter hues of the color on the sleeves and end, which cut off around her knees and had lovely rhinestones on it in different patterns. 

Jared wanted to match with Evan so he got an almost identically tailored suit (“Jared I’m not your friend anymore,” “Yeah you’re my twin now,”) and he seemed like he was having the time of his life. Zoe didn’t dress up because “You’re not fucking going anywhere why celebrate,” but Cynthia made her wear a pretty blouse so she’d at least look nice.

They all met at Alana’s house (In more casual clothing)- including Zoe, of course- and had a mini-party with themselves celebrating being  _ free. _ Alana had a nice house because dammit, she’s Alana, and they stayed outside by the fire pit roasting marshmallows (“Jared you’re doing it wrong,” “Shut the fuck up Evan- You fuckin cunt of a marshmallow no one likes you,”) she had in her backyard until the town curfew, which was 9. Then, they moved the party inside, in the host’s basement, where they were all drunk and trying to summon ghosts while playing Twister. 

Eventually, they all calmed down. Eventually. Connor and Evan were nearly crashed out on the couch while Alana and Zoe were attempting to tease each other while being half asleep. Jared was on the Twister board, his shirt partially taken off where it was all scrunched up at his neck. Evan, who was trying to cuddle up with his boyfriend as best as possible, pecked Connor’s cheek lightly until he gave him a happy kiss. 

“Woahhhhh,” Groaned Jared, who lifted his head up just so slightly. “Don’t get too explicit here, children are here,”

“You two are dating? Are we supposed to know about this?” Alana asked, blinking and adjusting her glasses, giving a small yawn.

“Connor had the  _ gayest _ crush on Evan, I was just waiting. Lana, I think you’re the only one who didn’t assume they were.” Zoe laughed, laying her head on Alana’s lap.

“Are you two dating? Damn all of my friends are couples, I’m gonna fuckin’ fifth wheel now,” 

“Zo, are you single?” Alana looked down at Zoe, who grinned stupidly.

“Yeah, are you?”

“I guess you could conclude that we’re dating,” She shrugged, laying a kiss on Zoe’s forehead.

Connor shifted, moving a bit away from Evan who mumbled “No don’t leave me,” in a small voice. “If you were anyone else I’d murder you if you hurt Zoe but,”

“Yes?”

“Zoe, if you hurt Alana, I’m going to demolish you.”

“Speaking of vanquishing souls to the underworld, Con, if you fuckin’ make my son cry-”

“Are you even strong enough to do something like that?”

“Touché, Mr. Murphy,”

 

* * *

 

 

The following weeks were devastating. May was forgiving, giving them optimal spring weather, but June? Not so much. Connor found himself with his hair pulled back into a tight man-bun, laying on the wood floors with his shirt taken off, dying next to Zoe, who wanted to  _ free the nipple _ but got scolded by Cynthia for joking about it.

“I’m not even joking, I want to _ unleash the boobs, _ ” Zoe admitted, her dirty blonde hair crazily laying around her head.

“That’s gross, I’m right here."

Zoe sat up, looking at Connor with a very tired glare. Her feet were by his face as his were by hers, both agreeing to a truce while the heat destroyed their poor, pale asses.

“We have a pool. Let’s invite our squad or something and swim in it for once.”

“I’m going to drown myself if you make me do that.” Zoe picked up her phone.

“Already texting them,”

“Nooooo-”   


“Evan responded with an ok,”

“Stooooooooop,”

“Alana’s typing,”

“Don’t.”

“She said yes.”

 

* * *

 

 

The pool was big. The Murphy house was big. Evan didn’t know what to expect. Alana was apparently inside already, which left the boy to suffer as he rang the doorbell.

“Yes? Oh, hello! You must be Evan, right?” A woman with ginger hair scurried to the door and upon seeing Evan, her face lit up. “I’m Cynthia. The kids are up in Zoe’s room- Third door on the right.”

“Yeah, uh, thanks,” He nodded, quickly making his way up the stairs to get out of her sight without seeming desperate to get away.

Opening the white door to the room that had large, yellow letters that said ‘ZOE’, a rush of cool air swept over Evan gracefully as all 6 eyes lied on him. 

The room was a navy blue, almost, with painted galaxy designs and those glow-in-the-dark star stickers that were scattered all over the ceiling and walls. A queen bed was placed on the right side of the room with indigo sheets and a night stand was next to it. On the other end was a bookcase, then there was a desk on the other side of the room, a few other objects lying about and two white doors. One was a closet and the other was a passage to get to the bathroom.

“Hey, Ev,” Zoe was the first to break the awkward teen silence. “Dad’s filling up the pool right now, we have like thirty minutes.” Connor grumbled something along the lines of “Fucking Larry” and scooched himself over to Evan’s legs.

He sat down on the carpeted floor, nodding to answer his friend’s question. “Is Jared coming?”

“Told me he wanted no part in our double-date.” She shrugged. 

“We were thinking of playing Never Have I Ever. You in? Oh, and we have Caprisun. Connor is  _ so  _ funny, he called it ‘Craprisun’,” Alana chuckled. “Reminds me of that time when Connor and I got paired to present Huck Finn together in 10th grade, he kept calling it, well, instead of  _ Huck Finn _ ,” Her voice trailed off.

“Fuck Finn.” Connor finished.

“I-I’ll join in. It’s better than Truth or Dare, I guess,”

“I’ll start!” Offered the peppy graduate. She held her hand up with five fingers and waited for the rest to do the same. “Never have I ever owned a pet.” Connor and Zoe put a finger down.

“You two had a pet?” Zoe nodded.    
“When we were like 5. Had a bunny named Cinnamon. His death was the first tragic experience for Connor,” Her brother rolled his eyes. 

“Never have I ever...” Connor started, looking around for ideas. “Never have I ever went through a Forever 21 phase,” 

Zoe put a finger down and rolled her eyes. “You just aimed that at me,” Evan did the same, but quietly, trying to make it unnoticeable. It was noticeable.  “Wait, _ you _ had a Forever 21 thing? Evan Hansen, forget Connor, marry me.”

“Ev, your turn,” His boyfriend ignored her joke, turning his attention to Evan.

“Never… Have I ever dated a girl,” 

“Evan Hansen, we are getting a divorce.” 

The game continued until Cynthia called for the kids, to which they responded by crashing down the stairs ready for the cold, chlorine water that the pool had to offer. The afternoon passed with plenty of cries, teasing, splashes and throwing pool floaties at each other until Connor almost drowned being stuck underneath Zoe and her lilo and their mother scolded them and told them to get out of the pool. There really wasn’t anything to do after the Murphy siblings were banned so Alana and Evan self-banned themselves as well in a pity attempt and went home.

 

* * *

 

 

July 15th. The day that Evan Hansen goes to visit Adam Anderson in Colorado. His father. And his half-siblings. There were three. Great god. Elizabeth, James and Teddy. Elizabeth, James, and Teddy.

Evan hated going on planes. While sometimes they could be a bit relaxing if Evan somehow blocked out the noise and just slept, the boarding process, the malfunctions that might happen… It’s so much. Which is why Evan almost cried when Connor said he could also book a ticket if he wanted him to.

Connor managed to get them both through the entire place without trouble, claiming he’s flown a lot and is used to it, and even got them into some ‘club’ thing that people with extra miles could go to and wait for their plane. Evan objected at first, saying that they’d be late when his boyfriend looked him dead in the eye and responded with “We’re an hour early, Evan.”

Admittedly, the club thing was great. It had good food, comfy seats, and outlets for them to charge their phones at. The shorter boy kept on checking that he had downloaded all the music he liked, kept checking that Connor had all the music he liked, and in general kept  _ checking. _

Boarding was normal but the flight was very eventful for Evan’s mind. He got the window seat, which gave him a little excitement to watch the stars appear as they flew farther from the Northeast. Some power thing happened and the lights, screens and ‘other electricity things’ turned off, leaving Evan to listen to Spring Awakening on repeat, singing the songs as quietly as he could and shaking, afraid that they’d drop out of the sky. Connor was there for him though and held his hand and hugged him and tried to reassure him that no, they were not going to disappear into the Bermuda Triangle because they were not flying over it. 

Other than that, the power turned on after Evan eventually fell asleep, resting on his lover’s shoulder. Connor watched all of the Kids’ movies because the adult ones were “Boring as hell” and Evan watched Pitch Perfect because he never really got to it any other time. 

Arriving was weird but being the experienced flier he was, the copper haired boy breezed through it with Evan hanging on to him fearfully. “Which one’s your dad?” Connor asked, peering into the crowd.

“It’s-”

“Hey, my boy, Evan!” A tall man exclaimed, approaching the two. He had brown but graying hair and blue eyes that matched his son’s almost exactly, and a similar facial structure too. It looked like it took a moment for Evan to recognize him, but when he did, gave a small and nongenuine smile before hugging him awkwardly. ‘Cause that’s what you do when you haven’t seen your dad in basically 2 years. Smile and hug.

“Hi, uh, this is Connor,” He started, stepping back.  _ ‘How do you approach this? That, hey, your son is dating a guy? What if he doesn’t want me to live with him for the week?’ _

Connor, who looked up slightly from his phone, also gave a weak grin for just a second, then shoved the phone back into his pocket and nodded. ‘Cause that’s what you do when you meet your boyfriend’s might-be-homophobic-but-you-have-no-idea dad.

“A friend! That’s good to hear. Liz and Ted are in the car if you don’t mind. James has soccer today so you’ll see him when we get back to the house,” Adam explained, leading them out the door and to a black car, opening the trunk for their bags. “They’re really excited to see you. Liz,  Ted, say hi to your brother Evan!” He called out to the two sitting in the back.

Connor had to squeeze into the back seats and Evan in the front, both clearly uncomfortable. Adam would ask them questions and they’d respond with short, quiet answers. 

“Are you a girl?” The younger, Teddy asked from his car seat. He looked to be two or three with golden hair sitting on his head. Very toddler-like.

“Ted-” Adam started, before being cut off by Connor. 

“Nah.”

“Why is your hair so long, then?” Elizabeth continued whatever her brother started. She had very dark hair that fell past her shoulders and curled a little bit at the ends. Her eyes were also brown and she must’ve taken after her mother since she looked nothing like Evan.

“Why is yours?” He shrugged and Elizabeth shrugged. 

“Can I braid it?”

“Sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

Keeping her promise, the moment they arrived at the house (Adam trusted Connor and Evan to look after the kids while he picked up James) Liz grabbed Connor’s hand and dragged him over to a chair and forced him to sit down, and she left, grabbing a brush and then scurrying back, climbing onto another chair to be the same height as him and going to work. 

Evan sat on an ottoman, Ted on his lap, both mesmerized by how she braided his hair with so much concentration. Ted looked up at his half-brother with young eyes and tried to scoot around to face him easier.

“What do you like?”

“Uh… Trees. W-what do you like?” 

Ted’s eyes widened excitedly. “I like SPACE!” He expanded his arms enthusiastically. 

“Space, huh? Do you want to become an astronaut?” He nodded his head briskly, jumping off his lap and running over to a toy box, almost tripping while doing so. The toddler moved things around in the plastic box until pulling out a three Legos and placing them on the coffee table. They were little space people and aliens, one being the classic astronaut that, unfortunately, Evan could only recognize from the Lego Movie.

“Wow. Who are those guys?” 

“This one,” He pointed to the Lego Movie guy. “I named him John. This one is Tim,” He pointed at an alien. “And this one is… Jerry.” He picked up an astronaut. 

“You’re lying, you said his name was David,” Liz accused, putting her brush down forcefully and crossing her arms.

“Well, it’s Jerry now!” Ted yelled.

“You can’t just keep changing his name!” She screamed back, and Evan got up, trying to intervene but failing miserably because children are much less anxious than him.

“Maybe he likes being called Jerry, y’know, like a nickname,” Connor suggested.

“Thank you!” Ted exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air over dramatically. Elizabeth huffed and crossed her arms. 

She pulled on Connor’s hair one more time to straighten everything out and got off of the chair. “You’re done now, and you have to keep it in forever.”

“Forever? Gosh, what about when I sleep?” He showed faux shock, playing along with her game. 

“Actually, you can take it out tomorrow. That way, your hair will be really curly and pretty.” 

“Alright, if you say so!” Evan chuckled, picking up Ted who kept saying “Uppies, uppies,” while jumping up and down at Evan’s legs.

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner was pretty good- They ate out with the entire family, James being 6 and having similar dark hair like Liz’s but with blue eyes like his father’s and his mother, Janet, with short brown hair and the same color eyes. 

Janet was a gem, really, who seemed to care for Evan despite him not being her own son. She openly accepted Connor’s style and loved to listen to some of the stories Connor had to share.

Connor was really, really chill the entire trip which made Evan a little jealous. But he admired his patience and nonchalant attitude, his ability to not flinch if the children ask him questions like “Why do you wear that eyeliner thing?” or “That’s that cut on your arm from?” and in general  _ coolness.  _ He got along with the family a lot better than Evan did and it almost hurt a little inside. Because  _ Evan _ was supposed to be good at this and  _ Connor _ was supposed to be the one awkwardly on the side.

The two had to share the guest room because of Connor’s sudden appearance, but obviously neither minded. Finally having privacy, it was 10 o’clock on the second night they were there when Evan rolled onto his boyfriend’s side, immediately hugging him while burying his face into Connor’s chest, noticing that he was at an angle for his feet hung off the edge of the bed. 

“What’s wrong?” A muffled groan was his reply.

“Evan, you always cuddle like this when there’s something wrong,” Evan lifted his head and groaned again.

“You’re just… So good at this and I’m so  _ bad _ and I feel like they like you more than me and they barely even know me and I want to kiss you all the time but I can’t and I love you a lot but sometimes you’re being so much better than me at everything and Trump is still our president,” 

Connor cupped his cheeks and kissed him deeply, Evan sighing a little before kissing back then breaking apart. “Chill, they like you. I know they do. And fuck them if they don’t, ‘cause I do. And fuck Trump, too.” They laughed a kissed some more, cuddled up and drifting off to sleep soon.

 

* * *

 

 

The summer was great. Hot, but great. The Murphys were part of a Country Club and kept inviting their friends to go with them, they all were much better at helping the people who came to them through their website and made videos for it, some even just being them having a good summer and wishing their followers the same. Eventually, the website’s fame wore off and less and less people visited the page, but that wasn’t a big issue for the teens who also moved on to work on other projects and helped Alana with volunteering. 

Evan walked into The Flower Pot on his last week of working until having to go to college. The bell rang its cute ring and Josie and Alana were there, smiling and talking about some recent event that had happened. 

“Hey, Ev!” The former greeted.

“Hey, Josie. Hey, Lana,” His voice was smoother, less awkward and anxious than the previous year when Evan was stumbling his words and stuttering and repeating himself. He was improving and so was his anxiety. 

“You’ve got something in the back, check it out,” Alana said, leaning over the counter. Evan nodded, opening the door and turning to look at whatever was there.

Sitting on the table with his legs placed on a chair right below him, Connor rested his head on his palm which was set on his knees so casually. Next to him was a large amount of flowers, the same kind of flowers that Evan had gotten after his first speech. He was holding a note in his hand and Evan took it from him, and simply written on it was “To: Evan Hansen, From: Your Secret Admirer <3”. A note that Evan was used to seeing by this point- He’d always got a small bouquet of these flowers every week, and he’d smile, then set them aside and only sometimes wondered who there were from. They stopped coming a week after school ended.

Connor smiled, turning a little red with embarrassment. “It was a stupid idea,” He dismissed it, looking away and biting his lip nervously. Evan put the note down and took one of the flowers- A tulip, mostly because the roses had thorns and knowing him he’d stab himself on accident- and pecked Connor’s cheek lightly.

“So there were from… You?”

“Yeah. Zo would write the note, though,”

“Is this you… Flirting with me?”

“I have been for the past 6 months I’ve known you, but thanks for noticing.”

Evan laughed and the couple kissed softly and hugged each other for a little until Evan had to go back to the counter for his job.

“Would you like a bouquet from me or anything?”

“You know me, I hate flowers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might make a few one-shots for this, if anyone's interested! I'm most likely going to do a few of their trip in Colorado bc im a sucker for stuff like that

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments on anything you liked, any ideas you might have for future chapters or if you want to critique this fanfic! I'm really new to this and it'd be awesome if I got some help! (also I like writing other people's ideas tbh)


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